Right Before Your Eyes

SUMMARY: Up to pregnant Darla it is AU, Angel’s thoughts and questions about himself, his friends, his redemption and the love he has for Cordy.
POSTED: 18 Feb 2006
WARNINGS: None Listed
STATUS: Completed

Angel sat watching his friends, watching Cordelia; he was so thankful that they had forgiven him. It taken a lot longer with her because they were closer, but it was worth all the effort on his part and he hoped she thought so to. But what did she truly see when she looked at him,

When the door shuts, don’t worry about me
It’s not attention that I want from you
I need you to trust who I’m gonna be
And in everything I’m going to do
Cause I’m not afraid of what I don’t know
For understanding is all that I earn
But what is for sure is I’m going to go
I’m going to live and I’m going to learn

Did she believe that he was really sorry that he had hurt them, hurt her? Did she trust in his redemption as much as she did when they first found out? Did she think that he would be a good human?

Then other questions began to run through his mind. Would he continue the good fight with them or would he give it up for normality? Would he be able to accept them when he was like them and vice versa? Would he keep learning and changing or would he be selfish and think of all the things he hadn’t done in centuries and concentrate on only his happiness, his pleasure?

He hoped that he would continue to fight side by side and that they would be able to experience all things with him, watching him having fun in the sun together. He hoped that they would be closer than before.

And I know there will be mistakes that I will make
But I know none are worse than chances I don’t take

Angel glanced at his friends one more time before he leant back and closed his eyes. He had made so many mistakes small ones and big ones. Some of them he would do again even though it was wrong. If he believed that it would save the people who meant everything to him then he would do it again and again. Like seeing the lawyers in a room with Darla and Drusilla and just turning his back on them. Angel had thought maybe it would have made their lives a little easier, but it didn’t but he had to risk it.

Darla, Angel took a deep breath one he didn’t need. He lied to Cordy about not sleeping with her but he couldn’t tell her not when they had just go their friendship on track but it was worse now because Fred had pointed out something to him, he couldn’t believe that he hadn’t noticed it before he, the vampire with a soul had fallen head of heels in love with Cordelia Chase, cheerleader, ex-may queen and ex-bitch of Sunnydale High. In a way the thought of him being in love with her was even more of a cosmic joke than when he was in love with Buffy at least they had the same calling, killing vampires. But him and Cordy were completely different but they complemented each other. He could talk to her and her to him, the love that he felt for Buffy was nothing compared to what he felt for his seer. She is the centre of his world.

Right before your eyes, I am changing
You laugh on the inside, I am changing

Could she ever love a vampire? Can’t she see that I have changed from Sunnydale? That I have changed ever since Angel Investigations? Angel knew that she loved him as a friend but he hoped and wished that it could be more but how would he ever find out when every time he talked to her he became a stuttering idiot and the demon screams at him just to take her and own her, but the soul just wants to love her.

He didn’t want her to give up some resemblance to normalcy but he didn’t think that he would be able to see her with anyone else. That would be the time he would have to move on, or try to. It was hard when he left Buffy for her own good but he couldn’t do that for Cordelia otherwise he would have done it a while ago and she wouldn’t have let him go, she would have looked for him.

How he prayed for the day he became human to be now.

When the door shuts, it shuts finally
A new person that I have become
I’ll follow my heart to my destiny
Living in fear and the sorrow is done

There will be no more feeling that I’m all alone
I will surround myself with things that help me grow

Angel smiled at the images that flashed through his mind him sitting having a picnic with Cordelia feeding each other, walking hand in hand alone the beach and then watching the sunset, rubbing suntan lotion over her body, making love, getting married and having their family around them, having children and growing old together. They ran through his mind so quickly he couldn’t reach out and grasp them they just slipped through his fingers. But that was what he truly wanted for his redemption just to be with the woman he loved whatever that entailed.

He opened his eyes and saw Hazel ones staring back him, concern on her face. Angel smiled just to let her know that everything was fine. Maybe it was time to tell her.

“Cordy.” He said a nervous hitch in his voice.

“What is it Angel? Are you ok?” Cordy asked watching him intently.

“I’m fine I just have to tell you something.” Angel breathed deeply again.

“You can tell me anything you know that right?” Her face more worried now.

“I know that, I’ve been meaning to say this for a while Cordy I lo…”

“Look it’s daddy.” Said a very familiar voice.

Angel froze but forced himself to turn.

Standing there in a red dress was a very pregnant Darla. He didn’t want to look back at Cordy but he had to explain somehow.

It destroyed him the look of hurt and disappointment on her face.

“You slept with her. You promised me Angel, YOU LIED TO ME.”

Cordy turned and walked out of the door of the hotel.

“Cordy wait.” He called to her and his heart cried to hers.

“I can’t do this not anymore Angel. I thought you changed but you just kept lying, I’ll call you if I have a vision don’t try to find me.”

With that she vanished and it was a few minutes later that it clicked what she had said don’t try to find me. Cordy, his Cordy had left him.

He turned and saw the same looks on their faces and ran straight past Darla to outside but she was no where to be seen.

“CORDY.” He screamed and collapsed to his knees.

Gunn and Wes helped him up and brought him back into the lobby.

“She left me.” He sobbed.

A sigh came from the blonde Fred glared at her. “Well enough of this little soap opera.” Darla paused. “WHAT THEY HELL DID YOU DO TO ME?” She shouted.

“Wes can you?” Angel waved vaguely towards Darla; the vampire narrowed her eyes at him.

Angel turned and headed upstairs and went to his room he curled up on the bed, he was numb.

“She left me.” Angel whispered softly.

Right before your eyes I am changing
You laugh on the inside, I am changing

Right before your eyes I am changing
You laugh on the inside, I am changing

Right before your eyes I am changing
You laugh on the inside, I am changing

Right before your eyes
Right before your eyes




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