AUTHOR: STARAICE (aka STARRY)
SUMMARY: What do we do with a nosy parker?
POSTED: 20 Jan 2004
CONTENT/PAIRING: Fred/Cordelia Friendship, C/A implied
FICPIC CREDIT: N/A
AUTHOR NOTES: You know they say life imitates art? Well the other way around here- except I took some creative license I think you’ll understand why.
“Do you masturbate?” Cordelia spluttered, almost choking on her diet coke as Fred asked the question. She turned an almost fire engine red colour.
“I’m NOT answering that.” She stated emphatically turning her head away from the curious girl beside her. Fred grinned.
“I’ll take that as a yes then.” Cordelia spluttered some more and tried to worm her way out of the sticky conversation.
“Sooo,” Fred stated after a minute or so of silence.
“Do you?” Cordelia decided to try feigning ignorance at this point; she would have been better ignoring the other girl.
“Do I what?” She squirmed slightly.
“Do you masturbate… yes or no?” Cordelia turned and looked at her again, inwardly screaming in desperation at the look of earnest on her face and deciding to be cautiously honest with her.
“Sometimes.” She blurted flushing again.
“Sometimes a lot or sometimes not a lot? How often?” Fred immediately fired back; Cordelia figured the girl could easily get a job as an interrogative reporter.
“Fred. I’m not. God, will you just. I don’t want to talk about this.” She stood to leave and was stopped by Fred’s deceptively strong grip.
“Come on, we’re both girls, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”
“Why do you even want to know?” Cordelia blustered, trying to distract her. Fred shrugged.
“Just curious.” Cordelia raised an eyebrow and uncharacteristically giving in she sighed.
“If I answer you will you leave me alone?” Fred’s face lit up and she nodded, head bobbing up and down like those dog ornaments people put in their cars.
“Um, sometimes as in not very often.” She answered looking at the floor.
“Why not?” She stifled a groan; she should have seen that one coming.
“It only makes it worse really, besides I’m not exactly sure if I’m doing it right ya know?” Fred cocked her head to the side, contemplating the comment.
“No.” This time Cordelia actually did groan and just shook her head, indicating that she wouldn’t answer.
“Where do you do it?” She asked and Cordy looked up, cocking an eyebrow.
“Does it really matter?” She asked dryly, wondering when the hell the boys were going to appear to stop this madness. Fred frowned again; it was becoming a habit.
“No, I don’t suppose it does.” She paused. “So when you’re… who do you think about?” She asked, not really expecting an honest answer seeing as she was convinced that Angel and Cordelia were in love.
“Keanu Reeves.” She stated and Fred leaned forward, pinning her with the blue laser beams she had the nerve to call eyes.
“Liar.” Cordelia squirmed and fidgeted under her scrutiny.
“Fine, Angel, are you happy?” She huffed and Fred immediately bounced back and out of her personal space, just then the doors opened and the boys came in. Fred jumped up and went over to greet them enthusiastically while Cordy sat mumbling under her breath about their timing.
“Angel?” She heard Fred ask as she started escaping towards the kitchen.
“Can I ask you a question?”