Waking Up and Smelling the Cappucino

SUMMARY: Cordy wakes up on the right side of the bed.
POSTED: 18 Aug 2003
CATEGORY: Light Angst / Humor / Cordelia-POV
WARNINGS: Language
AUTHOR NOTES: Written in 1st Person.

It feels like I’ve been swimming through glue for so long that I can barely recognise that I’m awake. I feel the material of expensive bed sheets touching my skin, I hear the beep-beeping of machines and monitors attached to my skin and yet I can still feel the glue making my movements slow and weird.

My arms feel light and tingly, my eyes hurt from the invading light and my legs just feel like they’re floating. I blink to shield my eyes from the lamp by my bed as I turn my head in the opposite direction. I don’t know if I want to laugh or cry really.

Not one of them knew I had the lead role in the A.I version of the Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

I carefully and slowly move my body into a sitting position, shaking away the fog and cotton wool that has shrouded my brain for the last, well, ever it seems. I look at the tubes going into my arms, one for food and one for saline.

Joy! I’m being taken care of by tubes stuck into my body by Wolfram and Hart. Words cannot begin to describe what I’m feeling… No wait, that’s not exactly true, there are a few words that can decribe what I’m feeling.

“I don’t give a rat’s ass anymore” I say, testing my throaty, dry voice as I pierce the continuous beep-beeping with the words to describe how I’m feeling.

“Oww!” I hiss as I peel the sticky stuff holding the two tubes in place in the back of each hand. My skin is pale, sunken and sallow and my bones are a lot more visible. I join the Heavenly Ones and I suddenly turn into Olive Oil, God couldn’t they have at least shelled out for a tube to give me Thai chicken?

The first one comes out and I press my thumb to stop the bleeding. Now the second one is pulled out after I use the saline to wet the sticky stuff.


I’m free!

I shove the blankets from my now barely tanned legs, the muscles I used to have are less muscley and more like useless baggage. I’d soon fix that, maybe Wolfram and Hart have a gym with employee discounts I could exploit for my personal gain.

How hard could it be to walk a few feet to a bathroom? I’m finding out now, my legs are wobbly as I make my way, slowly, to a mirror, fully prepared to be horrified by my appearance.

One. More. Step.

Yesss! I’ve made it without falling flat on my probably boney ass, I think I deserve a medal.

I stare at a stranger in the mirror, her skin is paler than my hands, my eyes are dull and almost lifeless and my hair is greasy. My lips are dry and chapped, my eyebrows resemble, well, just call me Cordelia Monobrow Chase.

Looking around the meant-to-be cozy bathroom, I see bottles of expensive shampoo complete with matching conditioner, shower gel, bath foam and soap. That’s just wrong. Don’t any of these people know soap makes your skin all dry and sore?

Taps get furiously turned on, my head gets dunked under the flowing water and I wash away everything I know has happened.

Everything. Right from the start where I shared my book with the pithy, new blonde girl at Sunnydale High and finishing with my ascension. It all goes down the drain with the grime in my limp, lanky hair to make way for new stuff to be washed away.

Half an hour later, my hair and skin is clean and I feel lighter, but that could be from the drugs they have been injecting me with. Words I once said to Angel, the love of my life, come back to haunt me.

“I can be me again” I say out loud, “Punishment over”

Yes, I am me, Cordelia Chase, ruler of Sunnydale High and megabitch will walk the Earth once again. I’ve come home and I’m ready to take what the hell I want, I don’t care about Buffy and whether or not she’s baked or whatever.

I want Angel and I’m going to have Angel. I may have been respectful of their Starry-Eyed-Tragic-Love-Farce once over, but now? Sorry Buffy, but I’m back now and I don’t give a rat’s ass what you and he shared.

Do I even want him anymore? Seriously, do I even care about him now?

The answer is and always will be a big, fat YES!

I push the achiness in my body aside as I stride towards the door to my comfortable prison, yank it open and realise I have no idea where the hell I’m going.

“Okay Angel, if I were a hot-headed vampire with a large office where would I be?” I ask aloud as I peer up and down the hallway. Where the hell are the people meant to be watching my prone and lifeless figure?

Maybe Angel got a high when he got given his office and now Angelus has taken all my bodywatchers away from me. Well, he can kiss my ass two, and believe me when I say this that would not be pretty for him to do right now.

If my monobrow is this bushy, then my bikini line will surely be long enough to make a wig for a bald person. Hmm, maybe the vampire likes natural dental floss, who knows with him.

“Hellooooo?” I call as I wander around like a moron, “Anybody heerree?” I got nothing. A-ha, a security camera, I wonder if I started jumping up and down naked that maybe someone would notice brain-dead girl is not so dead after all.

Okay, here goes nothing.

Up and down. Up and down. Up and down.

Wave arms in the air. Up and down. Up and down.

Up, wave arms in the air and down. Up, wave arms in the air and down.

“I’m awake and don’t own an internal GPS for Wolfram and Hart buildings. Are you people listening to me?” I yell at the camera as I stop acting like someone who has lost all sense of reality.

Perhaps they think I’m contagious and have ran off to hide behind Buffy’s back, away from the possessed Power. Not that I was actually a Power, I was more of a little ray of light that had powerful wiggly fingers.

I’m back to striding down the hallway, passing doors and beep-beeping noises on the way to God only knows where.

“Oooh, a direction board must be my lucky day. I don’t think I can take any more excitement, I’ve woke up, got clean hair and teeth. One more thing and I’ll suffer a relapse” I say in a high pitched sarcastic voice.

Boy, have I missed the sound of my own voice.

“Main office, floor 6” floor six? I thought Angel would have preferred floor 26. That way he could brood about lil ol’ me wasting away and playing dead while he watched all the little people on the ground.

“Floor 6, here I come ready or not” I’m ready, I’ve been ready for the past two years for me to tell Angel how I feel. But did I ever get cut a break? No because it’s me and the Powers must think it’s funny to cut in on my love life.

Two wrong ways and one elevator ride later, and three guesses where I am. Floor number 6 and guess who I’m going to see?

Angel or Angelus, whichever one it is I don’t care, I’m going to tell him how I feel and if it is Angelus. Well, I hope he has enough cash in his pockets to bribe me to not kill him.

Come to think of it, Angel is going to need enough money to bribe me not to kill him. When I watched him get all doe-eyed over Buffy I thought of one thing.

“Don’t get attached to those balls of yours, they are gonna be hurtin by the time I’m finished with the hot iron” I’ve practiced that sentence so many times. I can feel that tingling sense of satisfaction creeping in at the thought of Angel’s balls and a hot iron, or should I use a branding iron instead?

Whoaaa girl! I almost missed it. The double doors with the plaque on the wall next to them. “Mr. Angel” I scoff.

Doors barge open, I walk in and stand, still in my hospital gown but with clean hair and a monobrow. Angel looks up and his jaw drops, opens then closes a few dozen times. I watch as he looks at a monitor and sees my bed empty.

He. Is. Gorgeous.

His hair is all messy and ruffled, like he slept at his incredibly large desk, his black silk jacket carelessly strewn over the floor. The top few buttons of his shirt left casually undone, giving me a sample of the slightly tanned chest hidden underneath it.

I have never been more attracted to Angel then I have right now. I’ve always had a thing for the male mussed up look and he has it down.

One half of my monobrow raises high and I open my mouth to speak. “So” I begin casually, “What does a girl have to do to get a little attention around here?”

Angel slowly gets out of his chair, walks calmly round to stand in front of me. “You’re here?”

Duh! “No I’m not, I am the ghost of Christmas past” I snap sarcastically.

“I-it’s you? C-Cordy?”

“Again no, I’m a lost soul who found this delicious body on her way to Neverland”

He just stares at me without any expression and unreadable eyes for a few seconds, just looking at me. Probably distracted by my monobrow or maybe his vampy vision has picked up on my overgrown bikini line. God, talk about cobwebs.

“You’re not under control or anything are you?” Angel asks suddenly, do I detect hope in his voice? Of course I detect hope in his voice, what am I? Buffy Summers?

“No, I’m not under control of an evil, fallen Power any more. Thanks for having faith in me by the way, I’m feelin the love”

An expression reaches his face. There’s my good pal, guilt but I don’t care if he’s feeling guilty or not. I want my manpire.

“I don’t give a rat’s ass what’s happened Angel, I’m gonna tell you what I wanna tell you. And if you give a rat’s ass then it’s your loss” I start since he isn’t capable of full speech yet.

“I saw everything from my little bubble of light, you kissed Buffy blah blah blah. Connor’s off playing John Boy Walton yadda yadda yadda. Whatever, I don’t care. I’m awake, no evil hellspawn in my skinny stomach and I ventured out of my room with a monobrow and a load of dental floss. I love you Angel and if you don’t feel anything towards me, fine whatever. I’ll take a horsewhip from your collection of torture instruments, spank my inner moppet and go live my life”

“So suck it up, be a manpire and tell me what the hell you want. Because I am not waiting for you while more of my life get’s sucked into the big, giant black hole of despair”

There. I’ve said it. Ball’s in his court. Or his pants, why don’t I have a branding iron?

“Cordy” it speaks! “I need you to know that I was lonely a-and hurt, I know it wasn’t you that purposely slept with Connor. Tha…”

“Wasting my ti…” is that his finger over my lips? Did he just shush me?

“That’s why I went to Buffy, I just needed to feel something from somebody who loved me” Angel explained as he removed his thumb over my dry lips gently.

“I am not Buffy, nor do I want to be Buffy” I tell him honestly. “I like being me, I like that I’m strong, independent to a fault, bitchy and vain. I have never felt in Buffy’s shadow because of who I am and I refuse to accept the, I quote your own words here. Tragic farce that was you two” I tell him my honest opinion.

“I love you, I am in love with you so deal with it and move on” I add quickly and sheepishly.

Angel blinks at me for a few seconds, “I think I can handle that Cordy” he replies with a half smile.

“No, no and no” I bark and he steps back. He should step back, that is so not what I wanted to hear. “You are not handling anything until you tell me what I want you to say”

“Cordelia Chase” Angel begins to say and my heart finally starts to race as I let go of my guts. “I lo…”

“Princess?” Lorne interrupts from behind me.

“Shut up” I snarl, “Carry on”

“I’m in love with you” there. He’s said it. Angel has finally said those words and my resolve breaks as does my physical strength. I feel my boney, tanless legs give way and Angel, as always, stops me from falling.

“I’ve missed you so much” I whisper against his cheek.

“So you should” Angel tells me, “Nothing is ever gonna ruin us again, I’ll set the Wolfram and Hart heavies on em!”

“I’m just happy you’ve woken up and smelled the cappuccino Angel!” I joke right back. And so have I.




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s