The Big Bad

AUTHOR: SCORCHY (aka JUDI)
SUMMARY: This is the one you’ve been waiting for: Connor vs. Angelus.
RATING: PG13
POSTED: 21 Jul 2003
CATEGORY: HUMOR
CONTENT/PAIRING: C/AUS implied
WARNINGS: None Listed
FICPIC CREDIT: N/A
AUTHOR NOTES:
1) Connor is 2 1/2 years old for the record!
2) Kimi Raikkonen is the greatest Formula 1 driver in the world!
STATUS: Complete


Connor sat on the floor in his play room, surrounded by his building blocks, teddy bears and all his other toys. He was such a happy baby, popping a toy ear into his mouth to chew on thoughtfully, he giggled in delight and clapped his hands. “Dadadadadada” he gurgled happily, “Mamamamama”

Dropping the teddy bear to the floor, Connor picked up two of his building blocks and banged them together, enjoying the loud noise he made and purposely creating more noise to enjoy. “Babababababa” he gurgled and banging his blocks together.

Dadda and mamma had been gone a long time, too long and he was getting hungry, Connor scowled and threw his blocks onto the floor before standing up and toddling, on wobbly legs, towards the door to his play room. “Concon food” he yelled as loud as his 2-year-old lungs would allow.

He looked at the door handle which was only slightly out of his grip, “Concon foooood!” he yelled again, hoping for some attention. Connor scowled at the door handle, he shouldn’t leave his play room without dadda or mamma coming to get him first. But mamma always said he was the best baby in the world and he could do anything he wanted. He just managed to open his door and toddle out into the hallway, which for a 2-year-old was pretty big and scary.

But his mamma always told him that he was the strongest and bravest baby in the world, so he wasn’t scared. Connor toddled along a few steps before falling onto his knees, giggling when he fell.

Angelus rounded the corner at the other end of the hallway, a grin of evil delight spread across his face when he saw the baby. Vamping out, he called to the kid, “Cooonnoorr, come to daddy”

Connor looked up, a look of baby guilt flashed on his face at being caught outside his play room without dadda or mamma. Raising his arms to dadda, “Dadadadada” then he stopped and looked at his dadda. He had the funny face on, the face which told Connor they were going to play chasies. He loved to play chasies with dadda because dadda always tripped over.

The baby giggled happily, turned and crawled away like Kimi Raikkonen in a rocket car, Connor laughed his special baby laugh, the one that had his mamma give him special treats for. The 2-year-old headed back into his play room, with Angelus following him also laughing in delight except the vampire’s laugh held evilness.

Connor went straight for his toy balls, dadda always liked to play with the balls and throw them around the room because it made mamma mad, he knew dadda liked to make mamma mad because he did it all the time. “Baw-baw” he picked up handfuls of the toy balls, throwing them everywhere, his dadda would be so proud.

Angelus picked up his pace and ran into the baby’s room, “What the…?!” the vampire’s feet landed on the stray balls, wobbling precariously before falling over and landing flat on his back, the back of his head connecting harshly with the floor. “Oooph!” he grunted in pain as stars floated past his eyes.

This had Connor laughing in delight, “Silly dadda, aww faw down. Heeheehee!” he giggled and clapped his hands. He stood and toddled away like lightening, walking over a dazed Angelus his little feet stepping all over the vampire’s stomach, chest and face.

The 2-year-old then hurtled towards his mamma and dadda’s special room where he slept sometimes, not that he was tired of course. Connor Chase never got tired because his mamma always said super babies like him never got tired. He reached up with his grubby hands, opened the door and toddled in quickly before dadda could find him.

Connor clapped his hands in delight when he saw his special cream on the big bed with his special jammies. “Baba jamjam, Concon want jamjam” he raised his arms, gripping the bed covers and hurling himself onto the bed where his cream and jammies were. “Jamjam!” he giggled happily.

He saw the cream again, immediately the jammies disappeared in favor of something else, something much more fun to play with. But would mamma be mad if he used his cream? No, Connor was certain mamma wouldn’t be mad after all, he was the best baby in the world and he could do anything he wanted too. Mamma would be proud, not mad.

Connor picked up the cream bottle and tried to open it, but it was sealed tightly so he popped the top of the bottle into his mouth, chewing thoughtfully. The nice man with the glasses would open it for him, but that would mean he had to go downstairs all by himself. “Concon want” he banged the cream off the mattress in the hopes of opening it. He heard dadda’s voice shouting his name and saying words that would make mamma mad.

The toddler slid off the bed, cream in hand and went in search of the nice man with the glasses who would open his cream for him. In no time at all, Connor reached the stairs and looked down them thoughtfully knowing he wasn’t allowed to go down them by himself. But once again, mamma’s words came back to him, he was the best baby in the world and he could do anything he wanted. And he wanted to go down the stairs.

“Hewwo” Connor yelled, dropping the bottle of cream when he grasped the railing of the stairscase to make sure he didn’t fall. The bottle bounced down each and every step, the cap loosening, opening and spilling the contents all down the middle of the stairs. Connor watched and giggled as the mess was created. The baby started down the stairs when he heard his dadda call for him again, when would dadda learn? When you played chasies you weren’t supposed to say anything.

“Duhduhduh!” Connor said with a happy baby grin as he took each step with care and attention until he reached the bottom. Picking up the half empty bottle of cream, he stood and toddled like Jack Flash towards the kitchen, cream trailing behind him.

Angelus growled as he bounded after the damned kid, running full pelt towards the stairs; despite wanting to kill the kid he couldn’t help but be worried about the stairs. “Blasted babies” he growled as his foot touched the top step.

And the spilt, very slippy cream.

The vampire lost his footing and slid down the stairs, on his back his head bouncing off each step just like the bottle had done a few moments before. Angelus lay, highly dazed, on the floor with a pounding head and aching back. Blinking away the fog now clouding his eyes, he stood up and followed the trail of baby cream, carefully missing the white line on the floor.

Connor giggled as he poured the last of the cream onto the wood that had wheels, “Guhguhguhguh!” he said with a delighted, toothy grin on his face. The tall man would be proud of him for decorating his toy, he was such a good baby. He lost interest in the cream when no more would come out, he threw the bottle away and headed towards a cupboard.

Angelus flung open the kitchen door and strode in with poweful strides, “Connor, where are you you little…” he growled, his foot landing on Gunn’s cream-covered skateboard. The vampire’s eyes widened as the board flipped out from underneath him, he yet again landed on his back staring up at the board heading towards his face.

Connor saw the wooden toy land on his dadda’s face and giggled in sheer delight, Guh would be proud of him, he taught dadda how to play with the wooden toy. “Baba clever!”

Angelus lay on the floor with one hell of a headache, he pushed the skateboard off his face and sat up, stars and tweeting birds floating past his eyes. Enough was enough, no more Mr. Nice Vamp. He stood up, rage pouring from his every being as he searched the kitchen for the evil kid.

Connor yawned sleepily, not that he was really tired you understand because super babies like him didn’t get tired. “Concon want mamma now”

“You can’t have mamma Connor, come to daddy” Angelus kneeled in front of his son and held his arms out to him, how much fun would it be to tell sweet Cordelia that Connor had come to him right before he killed him?

Connor scowled, who did dadda think he was? Telling him he couldn’t have what he wanted, mamma always told him he could have whatever he wanted. “Concon want mamma now”

“Sorry buddy, mamma’s not here” Angelus grinned wickedly at the now annoyed baby. “You can’t have mamma”

“Pfft!” Connor replied with more baby scowling, he could have anything he wanted and he wanted mamma. “Concon want mamma NOW!”

“You have been spending too much time with damned woman” Angelus growled, looking over his shoulder, she should have been back by now. What if something had happened to Cordelia on the way home and where the hell was Connor’s babysitter?

“Dadda bad, mamma mad! Dadda bad, mamma mad! Dadda bad, mamma mad!” Connor sang happily as he crawled under the kitchen table and away from his dadda. His dadda was still wearing the chasies face so he guessed they weren’t finished.

The kitchen door sprung open and in walked a frighteningly angry Gunn whose eyes were flashing with rage and anger, cream all down his back and food splattered on the top of his head. “Where the hell is the kid?” he growled, holding up his ruined Gameboy. Gunn was so angry he didn’t realise Angel wasn’t exactly Angel, all he was concerned about was stringing up that hell spawn of a baby by his diapers.

Connor giggled happily, the tall man was going to love how his wooden toy was decorated with the cream. “Guhguhguhguh!” he sang from under the table, clapping his hands in merriment.

Angelus stood and faced Gunn, “The hell spawn is under the table, if you want him you can get him!” he urged, it would be fun if Gunn was the one to hand the baby to his death.

Cordelia, Wesley and Fred barged into the kitchen, “Angelus, don’t you dare harm one hair on Connor’s head” she growled at the vampire.

“Mamma, dadda say no mamma” Connor whimpered, all traces of happy, baby delight disappeared in favor of baby sadness. Dadda always said if mamma was mad to be sad and then she would be happy again. “Concon want mamma, dadda bad” his eyes filled with crocodile tears as he crawled out from under the table, raising his arms to his mamma.

“I didn’t harm the kid” Angelus growled, backing away from the weapons directed at him, “He’s the devil child”

“I second that” Gunn snarled in agreement though he was holding an ever-present stake towards the vampire.

“Hey! Connor is the sweetest, bestest baby in the world and you leave him alone. If he wants his mamma he can have his mamma” Cordelia snapped viciously, now holding Connor close to her chest.

Angelus and Gunn watched as Cordelia turned and walked out of the kitchen, whispering to the baby quietly to calm his whimpering. She didn’t see the smug grin he sent Gunn and dadda over her shoulder!

 


…THE END…


 

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