AUTHOR: OhMyGodIt’sThoseTwo! (A CALIFI and SCORCH Collaboration)
SUMMARY: It’s Valentine’s night and Angel is feeling lonely.
POSTED: 23 Jul 2005
CATEGORY: Holiday Fic (Valentine’s Day) / Humor
WARNINGS: None Listed
FICPIC CREDIT: N/A
AUTHOR NOTES: Me an’ Scorch wrote this b/t us aaaages ago, but we never got round to finishing it (lol)…anyhoo, today I happened upon it and decided to finish it off the last 3 scenes and post- one: to share with AO, and Two: to surprise SCORCH and make her grin in remembered fun.
“Y’ know…. Women ….Do I know anythin’ bout women? – Come on, buddy, I bet you know a helluva lot more’n me right now.” Staring owlishly at the near empty bottle of bourbon, Angel violently shook it.
“Whassat? Y’don’t? Well, you’re a bloody waste of time.” He snarled, chucking it across his room, barely registering the shattering of glass as it hit the wall.
Levering himself out of his chair, he managed to walk over to the bed with only the slightest stagger, bending down to scoop up the picture frame on his cabinet. “Whoa,” he muttered, as for a moment his large frame swayed to the side, almost sending him falling to the mattress. Straightening up, Angel raised the picture closer to his face and reached out a finger to stroke one of the faces within.
“Cor..deeeeelia; the love of my light, the sweet to my, my, whassit,” he slurred; his tongue slipping out to moisten slightly slack lips with a loud smacking noise. “See what you’ve driven me to? Drink and beducher..deburchar…drunk.” Sighing heavily, he slumped and by pure luck, landed ass first on the side of the bed.
“I mean, what’s a guy supposed to do to get you to… to… hear me? Tell you? I mean, jeeze… talk about *obvilus* ” Angel snickered. “Obvilus…whassat when it’s… mmm….Cor…deeelia.” His dilated eyes glazed over, current track of thought momentarily wandering off on a trail of it’s own- then he sat up straight!
“Right, thas it! Time to get the guns primed and the tongue tonguerised and *tell* her just what I feel, cos I’is *DONE* with..with..kittyfooting around and being all stoke guy and ggryy broody brow.”
His voice got stronger by the second, until, with a fresh surge of energy, he rose to his feet and made his way, pretty smoothly out of the room…. only bumping into the doorpost twice before exiting through the open door…
“What the hell…?” Cordy groaned and rolled over, opening one gritty eye to check her alarm clock. “Three thirty?” she growled, following the roll through until her feet hit the rug.
Lethargic hands came up to scrub her very tired eyes, her mouth following that with a heavy yawn. Shuffling on bare feet, the sleepy seer found herself helpless drawn to her living room window.And the caterwauling coming from outside it.
With the aid of an equally tired ghost, her curtains were slowly pulled aside to allow Cordy to peer out into the night. Seeing nothing but hearing everything, the brunette cringed and felt for the woman receiving the warbled song.
“I lurve you… From here to eternity… Forever unto eternity… Damn whassa words? Is anybody gonna help me here? I’m tryin tuh tell the woman I love that I love her”
If Cordy had been able to see Angel at that precise moment, she would have seen one hand clutching another bottle of bourbon and the other scratching his chin in deep thought.
Instantly recognising his voice, the seer wondered if there were any asylums capable of successfully holding vampires.
Stumbling a little closer to the main entrance to the apartment building, Angel took a heavy gulp of the bourbon and obnoxiously sighed. “Cordeee, my love… My darlin… I hunger for your bloo… TOUCH! Yeah, that’s what I meant. Touch”
Pausing for second to regain his composure, he took the time to puff up his chest and prepared to put all his ignored feelings into this. “A loonngg looonely time. And ti-ii-ime go-oes by so slow-lee and tiiime can do so-oh much… Arr-rre you-ooh-ooh still miiinnneee….”
As though it were breaking, a strong hand clutched his heart as the finale was delivered with feeling and gusto. “Ieeeeeee neeed your touch, I-eeee need your love. God speed your love to-ooh-ooh me…!” His voice cracked and broke off as cool tears began to fill his already glazed brown eyes.
Red didn’t begin to describe the shading of her dewy cheeks as she endured the remainder of what had been one of her favourite chill-out songs.
“Oh my God…”
Now that his performance was over, Angel found himself blinking and waiting for Cordelia. Impatience took over after a few milliseconds of not receiving any signs that his affectionate song had been heard.
“Cordeeeeelia… Whassa a guy gotta do huh?” His voice took on a growled bark as anger rose up in his chest. Pointing violently at nothing in particular, Angel shook his hand and looked up towards her window. “Wha more d’ya want? I’m a hero fer cryin out loud. I shave kittens and people… Lets not forget the people… All them itty bitty people… Coulda eaten em ya know, but I didn’t cus I’m a good boy” –and then the main door of the Apartment block opened, and a terry- clad arm reached out and grabbed one of his.
“Who the…. CORDEEEELIAAA!” A stupid grin spread on his face when he eventually managed to find his feet after being yanked unceremoniously in. the lovely face that stared up at him did NOT look pleased to see him, but Angel was beyond noticing as he attempted to wrap his arms around her gently and almost crushed her to death.
“MmmmfffANGEL!” A voice squealed in his ear as the love of his unlife wriggled in a way that was waking something up that shoulda been out for the count- for the next two weeks. “LemmegobeforeISTAKEYOURFffmmpnigASS!” Cordy attempted to pull out of the death grip, and when that failed, she kneed him as hard as she could.
Cordelia Chase had seen trees felled on a trip to Canada in her teens…. But boy, didn’t vampires topple even faster! She giggled at the ‘ooff’ and ‘yelp’ that catapulted out of his slack mouth, before recalling that she was supposed to be totally pissed with the great big dork.
“Oh Fuck! I think ya broke it!” Angel wheezed from his place on the floor, vaguely hearing a loud pfft before hands were wrapping round his ears and yanking at them- hard- “Yeeeouch! Woman! Whatcha tryin to do to me… An’ here’s me tryin’ t tell you that my heart is all overluvin’ you and singin’ and…” Cordy continued to yank on his ears until Angel staggered to his feet awkwardly, swaying like a sapling in a storm, but still yammering on incoherently about how much he loved her.
Somehow she managed to manhandle him into her apartment and across to her room [with the kind help of Dennis] before the highly inebriated vampire collapsed face first on the bed and instantly began snoring loudly.
“Jeeze!” Cordy looked up at the ceiling and asked aloud,” what the hell did I do to deserve a night like this? Bad enough I didn’t even get a frikken card” she scowled, letting out a deep sigh, she pulled the comforter over the noisy lump on her bed and wearily made her way to the couch…
Angel woke up in Hell
He wasn’t exactly sure how he got a return ticket; but yup…most definitely he was part of the torture tour again.
“Ohh, mahhh looveeee, Mahhh daaaarlinggg, I hungerrrr for yourrrr touch…” Jeeezus Christ! Why did that cacophony of pain sound so hauntingly familiar? Angel rolled over- then groaned aloud. He was sure that if he checked, the entire contents of his skull would now be left on the pillow.
The very soft pillow…the very soft pillow that smelled like…
“Cordelia?” he muttered groggily from a rusty, aching throat. What on earth was his beloved Seer doing *in* Hell with him?
Various scenarios rushed through his mind like over-thick molasses, and after several long, pain-filled and nauseous minutes, Angel gave up the simple things in life- like thought, moving and thank *God* he didn’t have to breathe too! Then his pain was intensified as a loud crash reverberated through his overly sensitive head.
“Oh, God; gonna be sick!” he mumbled thickly, the bile rising even as he formed the words.
“MORNING ANGEL! LOVELY DAY ISN’T IT?” Was the girl using a megaphone? Yup; definitely Hell.
His gritty eyes peeled open- and instantly slammed shut. Not only did this place crucify his eardrums, but light burned down with enough brightness to melt his flesh- and retinas.
“ANGEL? ARE YOU OKAY? YOU LOOK…” Cordy leaned over the quivering lump with a gentle smile of faux concern. “YOU’RE NOT GONNA BARF ALL OVER MY BED ARE YOU?”
“Cordelia…” she barely heard her name as it left gritted lips, “Please, for the love of all that’s holy; please lower your voice…please?” he whimpered pathetically.
Never had it been so difficult to keep a smirk off of her face, but Cordy attempted it and succeeded. “Is that better?” she practically whispered- and still his big body winced.
“Uh huh,” he replied, sounding even more pathetic- and about five years old.
“DENNIS! DON’T YOU DARE!” her eyes widened as she saw, from the corner of her eye, the door sway tauntingly.
Angel’s whole body tightened like a bowstring, a low moan escaping from pallid clenched lips.
Cordy took pity on him- and thumped her ass onto the side of the bed, watching as he literally convulsed, turning an interesting shade of green. “Oops! Sorry,” she grinned unrepentantly.
“s….sokay,” simple words were suddenly and inexplicably seriously difficult to make their way from his tortured brain to his parched throat. What he wouldn’t do for a Bloody Mary, Susan, Jean or even Mabel right now!
“Hungry?” seeing the hard swallow Angel gave, Cordy bounced up from the bed, stifling a snigger at the strangled whimper that shuddered through him as he rocked slightly. Payback was indeed a bitch…. by the name of one Cordelia Chase. “I still got it,” she murmured as she exited the room.
Several hours passed before a slightly hunched figure appeared in the dim doorway of Cordelia’s bedroom.
“Uh…” Angel shifted uncomfortably when the brunette settled on the couch ignored him and continued to read the book clutched in one hand. He tilted his rumpled head and squinted at the cover…a wench draped over the arms of a well-muscled blonde guy …in a pirate outfit?!
“Morning” his voice rose a notch to grab her attention- and then he winced as the jack hammers reminded him again of the night before. Finally Cordelia glanced up.
“Afternoon, Romeo.” Her mouth tilted in a small grin. “Feeling better?” At the uncertain nod of his head, the grin widened and her eyes turned back to the book. A bit put out by her obvious disinterest, Angel made his shaky way towards the couch and slowly sank onto it, tensing a little when Cordy bounced a little too much as she shifted to give him more room.
“Uh…what are you reading?” he asked hesitantly. She shrugged.
“Oh, a trashy romance; that’s about as fun as my love life gets.” Another shrug. Angel’s eyes cleared a little at that.
“You didn’t have a date last night?” Keep the joy outta your voice, dumbass, that little inner poke reminded him sharply.
“Can you at least try to keep the joy outta your voice, Angel?”
He jolted with shock when Cordy more or less repeated what he’d thought. Can she read minds too? Dear God! If she can, I’m in trouble! When she remained silent, her eyes still pinned to the open book, Angel felt a wave of relief- no mind reading, phew!
“But- but… it was Valentine’s Day.” He finally stated the obvious. “I thought someone like you would have had the guys falling over themselves to take you out.”
*That* grabbed her attention. “What do you mean; ’someone like you’?” the book snapped shut and was lobbed onto the coffee table opposite the couch.
Angel shrunk into the cushions at the glint of anger in her lovely eyes. “Just-just-” he shut his flapping mouth and took a deep unneeded breath. “What with you being so beautiful and all, I just figured-”
“You think I’m beautiful?” Cordy’s mouth dropped open. Usually the only descriptive to come out of the vampire’s mouth was ‘nice’ and ‘annoying’. Her earlier irritation dropped a big notch.
Angel shifted again, this time gravitating towards her, his confidence suddenly roaring to the fore at her reaction. “I’ve always thought you were beautiful, Cordy.” She shivered a little at the smooth velvet that had replaced the hesitance in his tone. “And sexy…” he shifted a little closer. “And mi-”
Before he could finish, Cordy edged back with a ‘ewwe’ and he straightened up abruptly. Maybe he was counting his chickens a little too soon? Damn!
“Sorry to interrupt your surprisingly flattering and gobsmacking words , Angel, but your breath smells like stale whisky – and as much as I’m enjoying what you’re saying,” she cracked a light-bulb grin, “It’s kinda off-putting. There’s a spare toothbrush and mouthwash in the bathroom.” She added, with a soothing pat on his knee at the instant expression of mortification on his too-pale face.
“Um, sorry,” Only slightly mollified by the touchy feely, Angel rose to his feet and turned towards the bathroom.
“And when you get back?” Her words stopped him in his tracks. “We can talk about what happened last night.”
Cordelia was drowning. Could that vampire kiss or what!
After twenty minutes of bathroom time and halting, awkward explanations from Angel, he’d finally cursed a blue streak and told her he was in love with her- and DUH! Could she be any more clueless? – And then proceeded to devour her with hungry kisses.
She appreciated the minty goodness that now blended with the taste that was pure Angel and attempted to keep up.
When air eventually became an issue, Angel lifted his dark head and watched through gleaming lusty eyes as the woman in his arms gulped for breath. Her dazed, dilated and aroused eyes told him he hadn’t made a mistake, and his heart swelled.
“Happy Valentines Day, Cordy.”
“A bit late for mmphhh”
A long lipsmacking silence and then:
“Not that I’m complaining, big Guy…”