Swallow Me Whole

AUTHOR: SCORCH (aka JUDI)
SUMMARY: A moment of truth, embarrassment, and necked singing.
RATING: PG
POSTED: 12 Jan 2005
CATEGORY: HUMOR
CONTENT/PAIRING: C/A
WARNINGS: None Listed
FICPIC CREDIT: N/A
AUTHOR NOTES: LOOSELY based on a true story.
STATUS: Complete


“M-m- macho… Macho…”

Bobbing her head rhythmically and adding a little bounce to her step, Cordelia finger danced in time to the introduction. Sweeping the cotton wool pad over her face gently, she removed all traces of white and deliciously creamy cleanser before it got sticky.

“I don’t want no 7 stone weakling… No boy-eee who thinks he’s a gi-irl.”

With a flick of her hand and a wink at the reflection, she carelessly threw the used piece into the little bin behind her. “I’m after a hunk of a guy, a mysterious man of the wur-urld”

Using her fourth finger, the cheery brunette dabbed some Vaseline onto her lips and smacked them together. “There ain’t no way that I’ll make do-oohh… With anything less than I’m used too-oohh…”

Running her tongue over her teeth to check the pearly whiteness and another wink, Cordelia gracefully snagged the towel off her head and shook her hair around, watching as it fell in messy wet curls around her face.

“If I have a man tonight, he’s gotta be right… Right… RIIGGHHTT…”

Snapping her wrist, she stripped the towel from her body and sent it sailing into the hamper just behind the bathroom door. “So macho… He’s gotta be so macho. He’s gotta be big and strong with lurve to turn me on…”

Spraying the leave-in treatment on the ends and running a wide-toothed comb through, she carefully detangled the little knots while being shrouded by a fine fragranced mist. “He’s gotta have big, brown eyes…” Those weren’t the words, but who was listening apart from her? “Be able to sat-is-fy… He’s gotta be big and strong, with lurve to turn me on…”

Fisting different sections and scrunching them up, Cordelia set about making the most of the loose waves she was born with. “I’m tired of taking the lead, I wanna man who will dom-in-ate me-eee. Someone who will lurve and pro-tect me and take care of my every nee-eed”

Rubbing her fourth finger over her lips, she massaged the Vaseline in and wiped off the excess. “Now I don’t mean to be per-son-all… But a guy like that is Blah blah blah… In my humble point of view… BAY-BEE OF YOU…”

With a snap of her wrist, the towel round her body went sailing into the laundry hamper behind the bathroom door…

And flying past Angel’s head.

Smirking and leaning a shoulder on the door frame, the vampire said nothing but crossed his arms over his chest and looked at his naked seer’s deeply reddening face.

 


…THE END…


 

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