Queen B


AUTHOR: SCORCHSTER (aka JUDI)
SUMMARY: Buffy wakes up and smells the cappuccino!
RATING: PG13
POSTED: 20 Jul 2003
CATEGORY: HUMOR
CONTENT/PAIRING: B/C Friendship
WARNINGS: None Listed
FICPIC CREDIT: N/A
AUTHOR NOTES: None
STATUS: Complete


Buffy sniffled a little as she carefully wiped her teary eyes, the Slayer sat on her own at one of the outdoor lunch tables, tired and a little bit down in the dumps. Her lower lip pouted and wobbled slightly as she blinked back tears. It was just one of those days, slaying had gone on longer than usual last night and she had been tired that she had fell directly asleep, forgetting about her assignment due in today.

Cordelia looked pitifully at the blonde girl, shaking her head with a matching roll of her eyes; the brunette marched over to Buffy, determined to pull her out of whatever funk she was in. Lord knows you couldn’t slay when in a sad mood, those vampires would make her cry and ruin her bad make-up job.

“Did you sit on a stake last night?” Cordelia asked bluntly as her steps came to a halt in front of the other girl.

Buffy blinked up at Cordelia, lower lip still wobbling a bit, “What?”

“You look like you got one of your stakes jammed up your butt, why the crocodile tears?”

Buffy blurted out everything, not caring it was her friend-come-nemisis she was talking too. “Slaying was horrible last night, it took forever. I had a girly day with my mom on Sunday, she did my nails and everything, I just wanted to be a normal girl for one day. Then last night, my nails got dirty and broken, and reminded me that I’m not a normal girl. I’m a slayer. I slay vampires, and kill demons”

Cordelia nodded sympathetically and sat next to her, listening respectfully.

“I went home, fell asleep and forgot about the history assignment due in today, now I have detention and broken nails” Buffy began to cry again.

“I gotta admit, being a Slayer sucks. I mean, broken nails every night and not to mention the amount of shoes you must go through”

“I know” Buffy sobbed with tiredness and general teenage depression.

Cordelia knew what she needed and she was the only girl who could help her. She was the Chosen One when it came to things like this. “Buffy, Buffy, Buffy” she said, making the blonde look at her through her tears. “I know what you want, what you need”

“What’s that? To die again and let some other poor schmuch be Slayer?”

“No, you need me”
* * * * * * *
Two nights later, Angel was scouring the cemetery looking for Buffy when he heard a couple of girls giggling and talking excitedly about something. Moving closer to the sound, he recognised Cordelia Chase’s voice and a girl looked like…

“Buffy?” Angel asked, hopping over a headstone and moving towards the two girls. He paused, looking at Buffy in confusion. She had barely noticed him, her eyes were focused entirely on what Cordelia was saying to her. Then he noticed her clothes. A little halter-neck top with matching kitten-heeled mules and a skirt that reached her knees. That wasn’t practical slaying clothes, he looked closer.

She was dressed like Cordelia.

“Buff vampire” Cordelia told the slayer in boredom, “This would make how many tonight?”

“10, how did I never think of this before?” Buffy asked, her eyes wide and shining with joy, glee and mischief.

“You’ve slain 10 vampires?” Angel caught onto the way the conversation was going and jumped in.

“Oh hi Angel, didn’t see you there, I was just talking to Cordy. Be with you in a minute” Buffy waved him off in favor of talking to Cordelia.

“So I said ‘Please, like I would ever date you’ and he was like ‘Oh come on Cordelia, you know you want me'” Cordelia explained with laughter in her voice.

“Ick, the only things that would ever want him are flies” Buffy scoffed as she examined her newly manicured nails, painted in blue to match her top and shoes.

“That’s exactly what I said!” Cordelia exclaimed brightly.

“Get out!” Buffy exclaimed happily with a beaming grin.

“Buffy, are you o…” Angel began, feeling left out of the conversation.

“Hello! I’m talking here” Buffy cut him off quickly, “God, here I thought at least one vampire would have manners, but no I was wrong”

“Sor…” Angel tried to talk again but got cut off by Cordelia this time.

“Buff, more vampires, can I do these?” Cordelia asked excitedly, practically jumping up and down on the spot.

Buffy shook her head, “No way, it’s my turn you got the last bunch”

“Go, show me how it’s done!” Cordelia encouraged then finally turned to Angel, “Watch this, Buffy is, like, the coollest Slayer ever”

Angel began to panic, seeing Buffy sashay up to the small group of vampires and no stake in sight, glancing at him once over her shoulder, a wicked smile flashed across her lips.

Buffy turned to the vampires, “See Angel over there?” she whispered, “He told me that you were impotent”

A male vampire looked at Buffy, eyes gleaming yellow and fangs showing, “What’d you say little girl?” he growled.

“Hey, don’t growl at me buster. I defended you, I said you were hot in the sack and that you knew how to make a girl scream” Buffy responded. “But Angel told Cordy and me, I’m the Slayer by the way, that you couldn’t even please yourself”

“He did, did he?” the vampire growled, glaring at Angel who was trying to get Buffy’s attention, yelling at her to kill them.

“Um-hmm” Buffy nodded matter-of-factly, “Angel even said that you couldn’t find your way out of a paper bag with a map and compass”

The vampire pushed past her, stalking towards Angel and his minions following him, “Impotent am I? I’ll show you impotent”
* * * * *
Angel stood glaring at Buffy and Cordelia, his face bruised and his body aching, he couldn’t believe them, he really couldn’t. His mouth moved but no words were formed, only a squeak came from his lips.

“Geez, catching flies much?” Buffy asked, “It was a great idea of yours Cordelia, getting vampires to kill each other was a genious idea. Did I do good?”

“You made me so proud!” Cordelia stated happily, “Tomorrow, we’ll discuss how the use of rumors can be used against the forces of evil.”


…The End…


 

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