Loving Liaisons


AUTHOR: SCORCH (aka JUDI)
SUMMARY: Patrolling, a popular radio show and evil vampires!
RATING: R
POSTED: 16 Jul 2003
CATEGORY: HUMOR
CONTENT/PAIRING: CORDELIA/ANGELUS, BUFFY/SPIKE
WARNINGS: Language
FICPIC CREDIT: N/A
AUTHOR NOTES: Inspired by ‘War of the Worlds’
STATUS: Complete


Cordelia approached the small group of Buffy, Willow and Xander in the cemetery chosen for patrol. “Hey guys, look what I brought!” she sang as she waved a portable radio in one hand and a bag of junk food in the other.

Willow, Buffy and Xander all nodded as they looked at each other, “That’s a great idea Cordy, did all that thinking make you blow a gasket?” Xander quipped.

“Shut up Xander, or you won’t get any chocolate” Cordelia warned as she set the radio down on the floor.

“What goodies did you bring?” Buffy asked as she tried to peek inside the bag that was filled with yummy treats.

“Ah, ah, ah!” Cordelia chastised as she snatched the bag away from the snooping Slayer, “These are for when Loving Liaisons starts”

“Oooh, I love that” Willow exclaimed, “My heart broke for Martina on last night’s part”

“What’s Loving Liaisons?” Xander asked when all three girls shared similar looks of heartbreak.

“Where have you been living for the past three days?” Cordelia demanded as she turned on the ignorant boy behind her.

“It’s, like, only the best radio show ever” Buffy told him with a look of disbelief, “Everybody’s been talking about it”

“It’s this radio drama thing about these girls who’ve just finished university or whatever. Martina boyfriend was in a car crash last night” Willow joined in explaining to Xander about the joys of this show.

“Oh my God, did you hear her pleading with Mike to wake up?” Cordelia blinked back tears.

Sniffling, Buffy and Willow nodded and were also blinking back tears, “What about Dan, how much of a scumbag is he?” Buffy spat angrily. “The way he treats Carly is awful. She should know better then to get involved with a married man”

“What about his poor wife?” Willow asked as her eyes flashed.

“Then there’s Gina. I so love her character, but her guy is such a total creepazoid! Did you hear the way Craig blew her off last night because she wanted to stay at the hospital with Martina and Mike?” Cordelia asked Buffy and Willow.

“That was so uncalled for, he needs a kick in the ass” Buffy exclaimed.

Poor Xander just stood there, out of the loop completely, watching the three girls ramble on about a lame radio show.

“Are you ladies talking ’bout Lovin’ Liaisons?” a deep, British accent asked from behind Xander.

“Quick Buffy, vampire!” Xander yelled when he saw Spike, “Stake it! Stake it!” he jumped out of the way and closer to Buffy.

“And now, tonight’s part of Loving Liaisons” the radio announcer said in an excited, but hushed, tone. The announcement stopped the fight before it even began. Spike sat in between Cordelia and Buffy with Xander next to Willow, all listening intently.

“Mike!” Martina exclaimed, “Please wake up! I need you to wake up, God, I love so much I couldn’t bare to live without you!” she cried.
“Oh God” Cordelia covered her mouth as a tear trickled down her cheek.

“There, there pet” Spike patted a sniffling Buffy on her shoulder, “He’ll wake up, he better bloody wake up!”

“He just can’t leave her alone!” Willow cried as she wiped her eyes on Xander’s sweater.

“Mike loves her too much to leave, he just has to wake up” Cordelia choked as she reached for the bag of junk food.
“Marty, c’mon” Gina said softly, “You need to go home and get some sleep”

“I just can’t leave him like this. What if he wakes up and I’m not here?” Martina asked in a hoarse voice.

“What if he wakes up and sees you like this?” Gina joked softly, “You’ll knock him back into a coma if he sees your bed hair”

Martina sighed, “Ok” she agreed, “Mike! Mike, I’ll be back in a couple of hours and when I get back, you better be awake. Do you hear me, ‘cos if you’re not, you’ll be in big trouble!”

“Let’s go” Gina led the crying girl away from the hospital bed.
Cordelia jumped when she felt a presence next to her, turning her head she saw Angelus looking at her. They both shrugged and turned back to the radio!
Ten minutes later…

“How can he bloody do that to her?” Spike cried angrily, “What kind of ponce is he?” in reference to Dan’s lie to Carly about him leaving his wife!

“Any man with balls would just tell the truth” Cordelia agreed with the pacing, angry vampire.

“He is such a loser!” Buffy spat with a mouthful of chocolate.

“If you ask me, it’s Carly’s fault for falling for him in the first place” Angelus joined in, “She did know he was married”

“True” Cordelia agreed, “But that’s no excuse for Dan to lie to his wife and to Carly”

Xander watched them all as they suddenly went silent and went back to listening to the radio. Two evil vampires, three teenage girls bonding over a really lame radio show. Then again, this was the Hellmouth!
“Mike, I’m back just like I told you” Martina said, “And you’re still asleep, you always were lazy!” breathing machines could be heard in the background.

“I-I went home, got no sleep and thought about what we’re going to do when you wake up and get out of here” Martina told Mike. “The first thing we’re going to do is go to Hawaii, you always wanted to go there, didn’t you?”

Suddenly, the breathing machines stopped and the sound of a flatline echoed from the radio.

“Mike?” Martina said in a shaky voice, “Mike? Miiiikkkkkeee!”
“Oh…God!” Buffy wailed as tears slid down her face and Spike put his arm around her.

“He’ll be alright pet” Spike vowed in a choked voice, “He’ll be alright!”

“He-he’s gooooonnne!” Willow cried into Xander’s shoulder.

Angelus found himself with a Cordelia-sized form flung into his arms, shaking as she cried silently into his chest.

“Hey, hey” he said as he glared at the radio, “It’ll be alright, I promise. If it isn’t, I’ll find the damned radio producers and make it alright!” he vowed.

Cordelia blinked up at his stony face, mascara smudged everywhere, “You promise?” she choked out.

Angelus nodded as he held her close, yes he would make the producers make Mike better. Both vampires caught the other’s eye and nodded, agreeing that’s what they would do if Mike died!

Suddenly, the radio started to slur, “What’s happening?” Willow yelled in horror.

“Oh no!” Cordelia scrambled to the radio, “The batteries are dead”

“Well, change them” Buffy told her angrily, the batteries couldn’t be dead not when it was just getting good!

“I don’t have any spare ones” Cordelia smiled apologetically as the radio sound stopped altogether.

The other five looked at each other, silently wondering whether or not to kill her when Cordelia spoke up.

“My car radio will work though”

All six people bolted from the floor and raced to Cordelia’s car and her radio!


…THE END…


 

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