AUTHOR: SCORCH (aka JUDI)
SUMMARY: Tomato, a fruit or vegetable? Sometimes a girl just needs to know.
POSTED: 7 Feb 2004
CATEGORY: FLUFF / HUMOR
WARNINGS: None Listed
FICPIC CREDIT: N/A
1) This just hit me a short while ago and it screamed to be written! This is my little contribution to the Cordelia Chase in Sunnydale Years. I love her and will miss her so much like the rest of you. I hope this gives you all a reason to smile and laugh at the person she was.
Flinging her pen down, the brunette sighed in frustration as her gaze roamed over the words. Confused hazel irises swam over the A4 paper, she just didn’t get it. “Aurgh! This is impossible” Cordelia snapped at her project.
“A tomato has seeds, therefore it is a fruit, right?” she asked herself. Her expression contorted into more frustration as thoughts raced through her head. “If it’s a fruit then why do people have ham and tomato sandwiches? It’s not like they’d have kiwi and ham sandwiches is it?”
“But technically, all fruits have seeds” Cordelia scratched her head, why did she have to choose something so confusing?
“Maybe they don’t. What other fruits don’t have seeds? Grapes have seeds, melons have seeds, plums have those giant stones in the middle… What if those stones aren’t seeds?”
“Do people have plum and ham sandwiches?” Cordelia asked thoughtfully as she tapped her finger against her lips. “Yuck! I sure as hell wouldn’t. But that doesn’t answer the question of whether or not a tomato is a fruit or vegetable”
“Okay” the cheerleader gathered her thoughts with a serious nod and a deep breath. “Let’s look at this from another perspective. Pizza” Cordelia stated firmly with another nod of her head. “People don’t have… Oh wait yes they do, pineapple… Hey! Does pineapple have seeds?”
“I can’t remember pineapples having seeds… Aurgh! This is impossible” she growled. Why couldn’t tomatoes already be labelled as one or the other? Why was it down to her to put the world straight?
Suddenly, her eyes brightened as a fruit with no seeds popped into her head. “Bananas!” Cordelia yelled enthusiastically as she bounced on her bed. “Bananas have no seeds!”
Just as quickly as her enthusiasm came, it rapidly disappeared. Pausing her excited bouncing, the brunette’s head fell forward as her shoulders slumped. “No, they do have seeds. This is just great” Cordelia snapped angrily as she picked up and tossed her pen over the other side of the room. “What other vegetables have seeds?” if she went in this direction, she just may figure it out.
After a few moments heavy thinking, the angered brunette screamed into her hands because of the fact she couldn’t think of any vegetables that had seeds. “In what rule book does it say that vegetables don’t have seeds? We may have gotten it totally wrong and that all fruits are vegetables”
“This makes no sense” Cordelia yelled to the ceiling as she exaggerated the plea with her hands. She instantly brightened again and a smile spread across her face. “Cucumbers!”
“Oh damn you brain! Cucumbers have seeds but are also used in sweet dishes like tomatoes sometimes are. God, please get this out of my head”
“I’m gonna cross reference the tomato with the cucumber. Hmm…” Cordelia’s thoughts trailed off as a new project title worked its way into her brain. “Tomato and Cucumber: Confusing Food of Today”
She paused in thought, why couldn’t she think of any sweet dishes that included cucumber in the ingredients? Surely, there had to be one somewhere in the world right? In one of them exotic and totally outrageous recipes from the poor parts of the world. “Hmm… I wonder where Rosa keeps her cookbooks, I should be able to find an answer to my theory”
A heavy cookbook was unceremoniously shoved away from her in deep annoyance, “There’s not one sweet dish that has cucumber in the ingredients” Cordelia gripped her head as science project sized headache began to form. So what that she’d only read three recipes? “If you’ve read one, you’ve read them all right?”
This project just wasn’t happening at all, nothing about tomatoes made sense to her in the least. Now, it seemed she couldn’t cross reference with the cucumber as it seemed cucumbers were only used in savoury dishes. “Why did I think that this would be easy?” Cordelia demanded not for the first time, “It’s just confusing” everything she had written and read only served to confuse and frustrate her more.
“Tomatoes have seeds and thus they are a fruit. Simple. Easy. I can’t go wrong” she ended the sentence with a definitive tone that brooked no more argument. “But what if all fruits are really vegetables and vegetables are really fruits? I mean, how many times have those science nerds been wrong about stuff? Just cus they give things names doesn’t mean they’re the right names, right?”
“I mean, what kind of name is fridge? Or carpet even?” Cordelia asked disbelievingly, “Could they think of stupider names? Speaking of stupid names, I wonder what Buffy and Xander are doing with their none-lives” she mused distractedly and began to nibble on her fingertip. “Not that care what they’re doing while I’m stuck in my house, getting frustrated over fruit and vegetables”
As if to suddenly realise how silly she was being, the brunette made up her mind once and for all about the best way to find out if a tomato was either a fruit or a vegetable. “There’s only one way to settle this once and for all”
Cordelia determinedly pushed open the double wooden doors to the library, fully intent on finding the person she wanted in order to get her answer. Spying the girl in question, the cheerleader squared her shoulders and gave a fiercely determined nod.
“Willow” she stated in a regal voice as she approached the red head furiously working away on the computer.
“It’s a fruit” Willow replied without looking at the brunette.