AUTHOR: NOBODY’S ANGEL (aka Lily)
SUMMARY: Angel regrets taking Cordelia on a hunt with him, especially when they get trapped.
POSTED: 17 Mar 2004
CATEGORY: HUMOR / SMUT
WARNINGS: Explicit Sexual Content
FICPIC CREDIT: N/A
1) Okay, this started as just my fic, based on a challenge from Scorchy, but you all know, humor is not my forte, so I ended up enlisting her to come and help me, and the rest is fic! Enjoy!
2) Forgot to add this before, but the whole “ass ringing” segment, I can’t take credit for. It was taken from a conversation on the new Fox show “Wonderfalls”. Thought it just fit a C/A fic so well, and that was what Scorchy based the challenge on as well!!
Angel closed his eyes and took a deep, calming breath before turning back to the task at hand. Whatever had convinced him to take her along was hiding in fear from him now, as well it should be. If he had to hear her bitch one more time about the dark, or the smell, or the grime, he was going to give her an up close look at it all.
“Remind me again why I’m here?” Cordelia asked, choosing her footing carefully as she walked down the muddy street.
“I’m wondering the same thing,” he muttered, his grip tightening on his sword and then loosening again.
“Hey, I heard that. And it wasn’t my idea Buddy. You were all, ‘you’ll be safer with me than here all alone’. Well you know what? I’d rather be in remote danger than here!”
Angel whirled around, his eyes flashing. “Will you quiet down?!” he yelled in a hushed whisper. “If there was ever a chance of surprise, it’s gone now, thanks to you.”
Cordelia knew he was right and smiled sheepishly at him, mouthing the word sorry and continuing on behind him. She mentally continued her complaining, thinking into the future to a nice, long, hot bath with a cloud of bubbles. Her imagery was interrupted when Angel grabbed her arm and pulled her against him. “What are you doing?” she mouthed silently, pulling her arm out of his grasp.
“Stay here,” he answered without sound and crept to the corner of the building. He took another breath and leaned his head around to get a better look.
An annoying ringing broke the deafening silence.
“Umm…your ass is ringing,” Cordelia spoke up, figuring their position had already been given away, so what was the use for the mime-work anymore.
Angel fell back from his post and grabbed her arm, pulling her with him as he quickly looked for a place to hide her. “My ass is always ringing,” he growled and pushed her through a doorway.
Cordelia regained her balance with dignity and turned to look at him. “Why do you have an ass if you never answer it?”
Angel looked at her, wondering if she was just being a smart ass or if that was a slam about him never answering her calls. “Maybe I should just leave my ass at home from now on,” he answered in a low tone and barred the door behind him.
“You know, if you had set your ass on vibrate, it wouldn’t have given away our position like that.” Cordelia looked around the vacant warehouse and realized that Angel had just barricaded their only way out. “Well, someone didn’t care much about fire codes, now did they?”
“What are you talking about?” Angel asked in irritation.
“Hello! You just blocked out only way out of here. Trapped us like…like…rats, and I’m so not a rat. Great job Einstein. What’s your plan now?”
“How about anything to shut you up.”
“Fifty big ones would shut me up!”
“Sorry, don’t have money to pay you when I already pay you for a job that you don’t even do!”
“You call that pay?! Please!” she snorted in disgust. “I can’t even pay my rent with what you let out of your grubby paws, Mr. Scrooge!” Cordelia poked at a sack on the floor, hoping against hope that there wasn’t a body in it. When it appeared to be something soft, she plopped down on it.
“I don’t have ‘grubby paws’,” Angel countered, stealing a glance down at his meticulously groomed hands. “And you’d have enough for your rent if you didn’t think that the only place to buy clothes was on Rodeo Drive!”
“Oh, that’s rich coming from the vampire wearing the Armani pants.”
Angel looked down at his pants and growled when he realized she had him there. “We’ve got to find a way out of here.
“At least I don’t make buy something, wear it once and throw it out” Angel sniped childishly.
“At least I have a color range in my closet that consists of more than black. Oh, and black. Oh, and more black!”
“Color works I guess” Angel’s tone dripped with barely suppressed sarcasm as he stared at her, completely unimpressed. “If you throw up on it, you can’t tell”
Cordelia raised an eyebrow at him. “Hey, just because I want to look good in case my boss leads me to my funeral, that shouldn’t be held against me. I don’t feel like looking like all the other dead people, and by dead, I do mean you.”
“Really? I would never have guessed” the dark haired vampire retorted, wishing his demon would pop out to strangle her before popping back in.
“I know you never would have guessed. You tend to be on the…dense side, shall we say?” She brushed the dirt off her bare legs with a grunt.
Sending his little witch of a seer a caustic glare of death, Angel purposely flopped down as far away from her as he could get. He honestly tried his best to ignore her but after her patented “Aurgh!” He snapped. “What the hell is your problem?” Angel growled at her, “Why did you come in the first place?”
“Hello! You made me!” she reminded him with a roll of her eyes. “I wanted to stay and do the whole post vision soak in the tub, but no. ‘This vision is too close to you Cordy. I need you to stay close to me in case something happens, and I can protect you,'” she answered, doing an intentionally bad impression of him.
“I do not sound like… That!” he all but yelped at her.
She fought back her giggle, but it finally came spilling from her lips. “Now you sound like a girl!”
“At least one of us does” Angel muttered the lame retort as he shot her a single dirty look before scrunching his face up in annoyance.
Cordelia’s back stiffened in preparation for a good reaming, but then thought of a better tactic. “Oh, I’m all woman.” She stretched her legs out and leaned back on her hands, pushing her chest out. “And you can ask Xander about that,” she told him smugly before returning to her previous position and activity of trying to clean herself up.
“I probably bet he couldn’t wait to get your panties off, they were probably too tight for him” he muttered. Okay, so he didn’t much like the thought of the Harris kid knowing anything womanly about his seer.
Cordelia smirked when she got just the reaction she expected out of the vampire. “Yeah, he couldn’t wait,” she sighed, as if remembering. No one ever said she had to tell the whole truth in this little battle of wills.
Angel scowled harshly at her, why did she have to bring that up? He resisted the very strong urge to stick his tongue out at her, just for the hell of it. “Yeah, he couldn’t wait!” the vampire mimicked under his breathless voice.
“Are you sulking?!” she squealed loudly.
“Sulking?” Angel remarked with a crude smirk, “Don’t make me laugh” he would never sulk over… Xander freaking Harris!
“You are, aren’t you?” She crawled across the floor, ignoring the dirt she was getting on her hands and knees, just so she could get a good look at his face. “And pouting?!” Okay, so it was mean to tease him, but he was giving as much as she was, right?
“No!” Angel snapped at her, annoyance turning into desperate anger. The shrill ringing from his back pocket and, without thinking, the vampire yanked it out only to hurl it across the floor. When the smashing sound reached his ears, Angel inwardly cringed and blatantly refused to look at that woman! “Look what you made me do” he focused his gaze on the broken cell phone.
“Angel,” she started in a calm, soft, even voice. “Do you realize what you just did?” She stood up on her knees so she was looking him directly in the eye. “You just destroyed our only chance of getting the hell out of here anytime in the near future!!”
A black and very furious gaze snapped to the hazel ones that also flashed murderously. “I just destroyed our only chance of getting out of here?” he demanded incredulously. “Me? You’re the at fault here”
“Hey, I didn’t throw it across the room! I didn’t throw a temper tantrum because I don’t know how to operate the damn thing, speaking of, mine, which you also broke, is still being repaired. Good job. I applaud you.” She gave him another glare before standing up to walk back over to her seat.
“Shouldn’t the fact I broke your phone tell you something?” Angel asked sarcastically. “If you would stop buying the damn things, my ass wouldn’t ring and I wouldn’t get the urge to use my patented burst of violence”
“Okay, this is an easy one. When I get back to the office and resume my duties as the ever-chipper and eager to please secretary, I’ll make sure to schedule you some training time with your cell phone technical support and then some anger management classes.” Her tone was beyond sickly sweet and dripping with sarcasm.
“How about I just eat you and be done with it? I mean I’ve killed dozens, no more than dozens in my time, I’m sure one more wouldn’t hurt!” he graced her with a cool expression and cracked a sarcastic smirk that vanished as quickly as it appeared.
“Yeah, that’ll go over well. I’ll be sure to stake you again in the afterlife, because your ass wouldn’t have to worry about ringing or vibrating. It would be DUST!” Okay, now she was getting frustrated with him. Why did he have to be so damn annoying and aggravating?
“You couldn’t dust a countertop” Angel bit back with a smirk.
“Oh, that’s it. You’re asking for it now.” Cordelia stood up and stalked over to him, looming over him darkly. He saw the expression, an amused on that dared her to hit him. Oh, she had better plans. She reached down and grabbed the hair at the nape of his neck, twisting her fingers into what she could and gave it a good pull.
“OW!” Angel growled, yanking her hand away from the back of his neck and sprung gracefully to his feet. “Now you’ve done it,” he snapped angrily, reaching round his seer’s back to take tight hold of her bra strap. The vampire pulled back and let it go.
“Shit!” she shrieked as the elastic hit her, stinging her flesh. “Ass!” she screamed at him and reached her hands down enough to grab the waistband of his pants. Using his stunned surprise to her advantage, she instantly moved the around the back and found pay dirt. She pulled the top of his boxers up harshly.
“Hey! That hurts!” Angel yelped loudly, moving rapidly to remove the uncomfortable material from a bad place. His gaze was pure gold as he glared at her. “This means war!”
“Gimme the best you’ve got,” she challenged him, taking a defensive stance.
Angel whacked the back of her hand with a light slap, delighting in the retribution he deserved. “Bring it little girl,” he challenged, wiggling his fingers in a manly way of fight starting.
Cordelia narrowed her eyes at him and lunged, sending her hand in a light slap across his cheek. “You’re such an ass,” she fumed.
His jaw dropped as he cradled his slightly stinging cheek in one hand. “You bitch!” Angel pushed the brunette a little, “Let’s see what you make of that,” he sounded so self-assured.
“You’re right, I am a bitch,” she answered confidently and pushed him, right before she stomped lightly on his foot.
He snarled at her, hopping for a moment on one foot as he glared through bright golden orbs that shone with deep-seated rage. Smirking at her, Angel curled his fingers through her hair and pulled.
“Ahhh!” she screamed and her fist came up automatically, hitting him square in the nose.
Blinking back the stinging sensation, the vampire narrowed his watering eyes at Cordelia. “Grrrr!” Angel retaliated, lashing out with his hand to twist her right nipple. Hard.
Cordelia gasped in shock at his bold move before eyeing him dangerously. “Oh, you’re so going down…literally,” she fumed at him as she hooked her leg around one of his and giving a good pull.
Unfortunately for the seer, Angel’s weight caused her to go down first. Slipping on the ground, the vampire tried to keep Cordelia upright and only succeeded in his weight working to their disadvantage. Both ended up on the ground, Angel plastered to her body, face so close to hers he could taste the hot breath grazing his lips.
Any strategies of attack or defense where lodged somewhere in Cordelia’s throat, along with her heart. This was not a good position if she intended to get the upper hand in all of this. She looked into his flashing eyes deeply and then closed the small distance between them, kissing him.
His surprise didn’t last longer than a split second, the time it took for him to respond with equal passion. Slanting his harder, cooler mouth over the pliant female one, Angel swept his tongue inside the hot cavern, tasting everything. Swallowing a soft whimper, the vampire’s chest vibrated with pleasure as Cordelia tried to use the kiss to keep fighting. Snatching her fists in his large hands, he pinned the irate brunette to the ground.
Cordelia was furious that her plan to catch him off guard with a kiss backfired. He wasn’t supposed to figure that out. She continued to move beneath him, trying to slide out from under his large frame, but quickly realized that it was only causing certain things to get harder, and that she was enjoying this way more than she thought. She relaxed her hands and let him dominate her. ‘Just this once, and only for a minute,’ she thought to herself.
A quiet, breathless moan accompanied a feral growl. The still blood throbbed around his tense body, racing to his groin making him hard with excitement. Angel shifted his powerful legs, opening her slender ones to slide into the feminine cradle; the intimate touch initiated was everything and nothing all at the same time.
She clutched at his hands that held hers tightly as her body rose up of its own accord to meet his. A shudder ran through her body when she felt his lips against her ear and she let out a soft whimper of pleasure.
Pushing down hard against her, the pressure in his hardened sex went unrelieved as Angel used his body to keep her down. Though the soft whimper was like music, he’d rather she screamed. Scraping sharp fangs down the hollow of her throat, teasing himself with a simple taste of blood. A moan spilled from his drying lips when he crashed his aching erection into her, hissing when it only increased the burning need to fill the tight body teasing his.
Cordelia’s body tensed when she felt his fangs draw the slightest bit of blood to the surface, and her slight fear only seemed to heighten her arousal. When he slammed his body against hers again, she let out a sharp cry and arched into him. The throbbing between her thighs was getting too much to bear, and feeling him teasing her over and over was beyond cruel. She managed to lace her fingers with his and dig her nails into the back of his hand, leaving five perfectly shaped half moons on each hand with droplets of blood staining his pale skin.
Allowing the hellcat use of her hands gave Angel the freedom to use his. Sliding one between them, he wasted no time locating the source of heat. The warm heat from her hands sliding under his jacket and sweater was only second pleasure to the feel of her nails scoring the flawless expanse of his back. Groaning out loudly, Angel cupped her sex, thick male fingers rasping deliciously over the sensitive folds hidden beneath her clothes. Feeling her arch into the caress, Angel moved harder against her, gliding his wet mouth down her neck to wrap his parched lips around her skin, sucking deeply with intent to mark.
Cordelia shuddered again and turned her head so that he had more access to her neck, reveling in the pleasure he was inducing in her. The feel of his cool lips and tongue against her burning skin was beyond any pleasure she had felt before, as was the feel of his hand carefully finding its way under her skirt and inside her thong. She let out a loud moan of pleasure as a finger slid inside.
Oh God, he had wanted her like this for so long. Had wanted her laying under him, her body wide open to everything he could give her. Now that fantasy was a reality, Angel was near breaking point. His cock was hard, the material of his own clothes felt rough, nothing like how her soft, hot hand would feel like. Hissing in a deep unnecessary breath, Angel worked another finger inside, delving knuckle-deep. Hearing Cordelia shriek loudly and arch up into his body, the vampire’s head rolled back when her breasts pushed into his solid chest. Fingering her with rapid, focused attention, Angel flicked the roughened skin of his thumb over the pearl-like bud.
Her walls tightened around him, holding him tightly while one hand slid down and reached into his pants, grasping his sex tightly. She tried to match his frantic pace, but her body began to shudder, her legs shaking beneath him. Her grip on him tightened yet again and she pumped her arm furiously. She began to moan, her eyes rolling shut and her head lolling back and forth with the movement of her body. “Angel…” she moaned, a little louder this time.
The vampire bucked into her hand, relishing the increasing throbbing that forced his balls tight to his body. He knew she was close to climax, wanted to fuck her through it but this was too good, much to fun. Thrusting high into the heart of her body, Angel covered her open mouth and swallowed the orgasmic yelps as it raced through her body. Hot, silky walls clamped tightly around his fingers as her hips became still under the touch. Cordelia forced her eyes open, locking with the vampire’s golden gaze as he continued to bring her down. Her own hand wrapped tight around the shaft, moving in seductive movements that ended with Angel tearing his lips away from hers to pant heavily.
She continued her methodic movements, occassionally throwing in an extra squeeze and watched as his gaze grew darker as he did harder. She moved her free hand up to his face and then the back of his neck, pulling him down to her. She pressed her cheek against his so she could hear the unnatural sound of his breathing in her ear.
His breathing stopped suddenly, his head dropped down to her shoulder as his free hand curled tight around her thigh, squeezing rhythmically. In her grasp, his cock throbbed with climax, his body expelling the intense pressure in his balls in short, painful bursts that felt oh so good. Raising his head from the crook of her shoulder, Angel locked onto her gaze like she did him, letting her see the stormy heat driving through his body at the exact moment he came.
Cordelia watched the emotions pass through his eyes and saw his eyes continually travel to her neck as began to come down. She pulled his head to her neck, mentally pleading with him to be gentle. She expected a pain but instead felt his lips caress her neck over and over until he collapsed, his full weight on her for a few long seconds. She didn’t know if she should say something or just try to move him off of her.
“Angel…can’t breathe,” she finally gasped.
“Me either” Angel contradicted in a breathy voice, easing his fingers out from between her thighs after treating the sensitive pearl to a loving, parting stroke. Rolling his bigger body away from hers, the vampire felt the last vestiages of orgasm drift into an erotic memory he’d cherish forever. “Cordy…” he didn’t dare look at her in case his feelings weren’t returned.
Cordelia smiled and snuggled against him comfortably. “We should fight more often,” she sighed and then glanced up at him. “No grrr?” she asked with concern, her face scrunching up into a mock vampire visage.
Beside her, the vampire tensed as a scowl worked over his handsome face. “WE” Angel emphasized, “We didn’t fight, you started it!”
“Pfft.” She smiled up at him. “Hey, it was your ass ringing, not mine.”
Moving his hand to zip his pants up, Angel sent her a sideways and hesitant glance. The midnight orbs shone with a coy unease as he tried to find the words that didn’t screw this up for him. “Look I…” he inwardly cringed when the stuttering began and took a deep breath to stop anymore of it. “Cordy…” he began again, “What we just did. In here. With the touching a-and the kissing and the…”
Cordelia looked at him with her eyebrows raised and a small smirk at his babbling. “Yeah, I remember, I don’t need a verbal instant replay,” she smiled at him warmly.
“It was nice” Angel decided he was much better at shorter sentences and went with them. “I enjoyed it” off her amused high eyebrow, he scowled and his voice held a taint of defence. “You did too! You can’t deny it” he dared her to refute that claim.
“Never tried to,” she answered calmly and put her hand on his cheek. “Stop rambling Angel, and tell me what it is that you’re trying to say.”
Back in the day, it would only be acceptible for a gentleman to ask for courtship. But somehow, Angel figured she’d laugh hysterically if he used that word so he went with what he felt she wouldn’t laugh at. “I’m in love with you”
Cordelia stared at him, speechless for a few moments. When the ability to speak returned to her, she said the first thing that came to mind. “Are you serious?”
“No” Angel’s tone dripped with sarcasm as he glared at her. “I’m only laying out my heart for the fun of it!”
Her eyes widened when it hit her how it must’ve sounded and she shook her head. “No, that’s not what I meant. I mean, I meant, I do too. Not love me too, I love you too.” It was her turn to ramble, and she wondered if she had blown anything that might have been between them by putting her designer heels in her mouth.
It was his turn to be speechless. “Are you serious?!” Angel turned onto his side, facing the seer with a forming grin and renewed excitement.
Her head cocked to one side and an eyebrow arched, she sent a playful glare his way. “Very funny. And YES you dumbass!”
“Then you won’t mind if I…!”