AUTHOR: NICKLE (aka BRENDA)
SUMMARY: It’s a very special farewell…
POSTED: 6 May 2004
FICPIC CREDIT: N/A
AUTHOR NOTES: None
“FRED!!!!!! LORNE!!!!! IT’S COMING ON NOW!!!!!!” Angel grimaced at the sound of Cordelia screeching up the stairs of the hotel. Normally, he loved her voice. Especially when she said things like, “ohhh, right there, that’s the spot, harder, faster, onmygod,” that kind of thing. This was not that kind of thing. This was a television thing, and Angel was prepared to bail down to the basement to work out and hide.
There was a lull of silence, then the pitterpatter of running feet as Fred raced down the stairs and into the office. She plopped down on the sofa facing the tv and grabbed at the large bowl of popcorn. “It’s on, it’s on, it’s on….” She sang in an excited squeal. Cordy sat down beside her and they both looked around, then yelled, “LORNE!”
“Coming, coming, hang on…” Lorne strolled out of the kitchen, carrying a tray loaded with three large cappuccino mugs, steaming and frothy. “Hang on, strudels, Uncle Lorne had to get the appropriate treats for the fond farewell…” the girls grinned and Cordy blew him a kiss as she grabbed at one of the mugs.
“Best. Host. Ever.” She took a sip and batted her eyes at him. Lorne laughed and settled down on the couch with them, taking up his own mug. Angel watched a moment, and sat nearby.
“Are you really going to watch this?”
Cordy’s eyes didn’t move from the screen. “Are you kidding? I’ve got 10 solid years built up in this. I’ve sat on my ass for over 120 hours for this show. Wow.” Her brow furrowed in thought. “That’s gotta be over 100 bags of popcorn. Tons of cookies. That one experiment where I ate fruit. Hmm.”
Angel glanced at her. “It’s not Shakespeare, Cordy, it’s a sitcom.”
“Bite me, Angel.” There was no heat in her voice, as she was only marginally engaged in the conversation. “I love this show, it’s the last one, deal.”
Fred nodded, her eyes wide. “It’s really a good show, Angel…watch it with us. We’ll tell you what’s going on.”
Lorne looked at him thoughtfully. “I think there’s a vampire in it, somewhere.” Cordy looked over at him and he grinned at her. “I think. Maybe.”
“Huh” ok, he’d stay and watch the tv show. Be interesting to see how they treat vampires on television.
“OK” Fred was nearly bobbing up and down on the sofa, she was so excited. “That’s Monica. She’s married to Chander. They were just friends for a while, and she had a crush on him when he was in college with her brother, Ross. And she was fat. Real fat. But she’s not now, and she dated Richard, and he was soooo gorgeous, but there were candles, and…”
“Oh my god, that was so romantic!” Cordy broke in. “The candles and the kneeling, and oh, that was so sweet.”
“Anyways, that’s Chandler, her husband. His dad is a crossdresser and his mom writes trashy romantic novels and he had a job for a while but we’re not sure what it is and he likes porn.” Angel looked over at Fred, wondering if she was making this up.
“That’s Joey. He’s kinda dim, but really sweet, and he sleeps around a lot, and he’s an actor, and he was on Days of Our Lives but he fell down an elevator shaft and died. Oh, and he had a duck, and he faked owning a Porsche.” Angel could feel his brain starting to glaze over as Fred paused to draw a breath.
“That’s Ross, he’s Monica’s brother, and he is a Paleontologist, and he’s kinda a nerd and finds it hard to get a date, which is kinda funny because he’s been married three times, although I guess the first one shouldn’t’ count because she was gay, and the second one got mad because Ross got her name wrong and the third one was Rachel, the love of his life, you know, kyrumption, except he’s really too nerdy to be a hero, but they do fight a lot…” her voice trailed off as she considered this. “Hmmm. Anyways, they got married, but it was in Vegas, they were drunk, blah, blah, blah, got a divorce, had a baby…”
Angel was lost. “They got a divorce then had a baby?”
“Well, it was an accident. What with the kissing and the filming and all. And that’s Rachel. She was going to marry a dentist, but she left him at the alter, and started serving coffee, and now she’s like this powerhouse buyer for Louis Vattan, and she’s going to France, and she has perfect hair.
“Ok, that’s Phoebe, and she’s kind of goofy and loopy in that funny way they make some girls seem on tv. I don’t know anyone like that, but on tv they seem to be thick and fast. Anyways, Phoebe is a masseuse, and she just got married, and she doesn’t have kids yet.” Fred thought a moment. “Oh, except for the triplets she had for her brother.” Angel looked at her, not saying a word. Fred caught his look and said, “It was a small favor.”
She turned back to the tv and she and Cordy and Lorne stared intently at the screen. Angel got up silently and walked to the door to the office, stopping when he saw Gunn and Wesley standing there, resigned looks on their faces.
Wesley spoke. “Had enough?”
“Let’s go get a beer, bro, this sobfest is on for an hour.” Gunn clapped Angel on the back and they walked out the front door. Angel thought about the characters Fred had just described.
“Gotta tell ya, if that’s life, Shanshu can fuckin’ wait.”
(Although you just know Cordy and Lorne are addicted to American Idol.)