AUTHOR: LUCKYLYN (aka LYN)
SUMMARY: Post Eternity. Cordy’s left alone with Angelus and things get intense.
POSTED: 16 May 2008
CONTENT/PAIRING: C/Aus, C/A, mentions of C/X
WARNINGS: Language Use
FICPIC CREDIT: N/A
AUTHOR NOTES: None
When he woke, Cordelia and Wesley stood by the bed. They stood stiffly barely breathing as they watched him. He could scent their fear and knew they were anxious. It wasn’t until he attempted to move that he realized he was chained to bed. He wanted to growl at the restraint but held it back.
“Angel?” Cordelia asked stepping closer to the bed.
“Yeah, it’s me,” he said, groggily.
She looked at him intently and asked, “You still evil?”
“I’m so sorry,” he said in a pleading tone. “Let me out of the chains. I have so much to make up for.”
“It’s Angelus,” Wesley said looking at a small crystal ball in his hand that he held over Angelus’ body. It was glowing red.
Cordelia stepped away from the bed and went to stand by the wall.
“I’m not Angelus,” he said stubbornly. “What is that?”
“I had a shaman bless this orb,” Wesley replied. “It can detect lies.”
“So don’t bother being clever, Angelus,” Cordelia said glaring at him.
Angelus attempted to use more force but his chains remained intact.
“Fuck,” Angelus growled and pulled at his chains again.
Wesley and Cordelia walked out of the room.
“I thought you said it’d wear off,” Cordy said.
“I said I was reasonablely sure,” Wesley said. “I don’t know how high a dose Rebecca gave him. It might take longer than I thought.”
“Or maybe this drug bliss was enough for him to really lose his soul,” Cordy replied. “We might have to re-soul him. I’ll call Willow.”
“That won’t be necessary. I know a witch who’d be willing to do me a favor. I’m glad I had Willow send me the orb of Thesulah when I started to work here.”
“You never told me that,” Cordy exclaimed.
“I wanted to be prepared just in case, and I didn’t want to worry you needlessly,” Wesley said walking towards the stairs. “This witch can be hard to track down. I’ll be back before sunrise.”
“Great, so it’s just me and my friend the soulless wonder,” Cordelia said.
“There’s no reason to put yourself through this,” Wesley said. “Stay out of his room and don’t engage him. It’s what he wants. Words are the only weapons he has right now.”
“Don’t worry. I’ve got a Sunnyhell education,” Cordy replied. “I know exactly how to handle Angelus.”
Wesley left, and it was quiet for a while. Cordy went to the kitchen and thought about making something to eat. She paused thinking of all the times Angel had cooked for her. She missed him. What if the orb didn’t work this time?
“You’ve got to come back to us, Angel,” she muttered to herself.
“CORDELIA!” Angelus growled from his room.
Cordy stood in Angel’s kitchen listening and thinking about just escaping by going up the stairs. She wouldn’t run though. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of intimidating her.
“CORDELIA!” he yelled again and pulled at his chains. He could feel them cutting into his wrists but didn’t care.
His yelling she could ignore but the sound of chains rattling disturbed her. What if he got free? Cordelia grabbed the crossbow from Angel’s weapon’s chest and charged into the room.
“Keep still or I’ll dust you,” Cordy said, aiming the weapon at him.
Angelus laughed, “You wouldn’t hurt your precious Angel.”
“I promised him I’d take care of you if he lost his soul again,” Cordelia said going to sit in a chair in facing him. “I know what you’re capable of. If you manage to get out of that bed, it will be the last thing you do.”
Angelus stared at her and tried to find the lie in her. He could scent her fear but her aim was steady. Her eyes shined with determination. She might actually do it. It was strange that, that realization made him feel drawn to her. When Angel had first meet her, he’d thought her a bit of fluff that he could ignore. But it turned out, she had a steel spine that frustrated him as much as it enthralled him. Angelus wondered what it would take to make her break.
She took his silence as acquiescence and said, “We’ll just sit tight until Wes comes back.”
“I bet you’re enjoying this,” Angelus said.
“Sure, my best friend has lost his soul and wants to kill me. And if his soul isn’t restored, I have to kill him,” Cordelia replied with false cheer . “Good times.”
“Best friend,” Angelus repeated. “That’s pathetic. Queen C who once had a group of worshipers in Sunnydale reduced to being the coffee girl for a neutered vamp and his nerdy sidekick. It must kill you to know how far you’ve fallen.”
He waited expecting to see her hurt and vulnerable. Her face was unreadable and her eyes blazed at him. Her crossbow aim was still steady.
“Am I supposed to cry now? Pfft.”
“Oh so you’re a tough girl,” Angelus said. “I’d love to see how fast you’d run away if I got out of this bed.”
“Since you’d be dust two seconds after that, I don’t think you’d enjoy it too much,” she replied confidently.
Cordelia knew he wouldn’t break her. There was something empowering about that.
“You are enjoying this,” Angelus said thinking he was enjoying this banter too.
She glared at him and realized, “You think we’re playing here don’t you? This isn’t a game, Angelus.”
He laughed and said, “It’s always a game. Our opposing wills going head to head. Which of us is stronger. Which of us is smarter. Don’t pretend you aren’t having fun. Me in this bed and you with the power. I bet you’ve been dreaming of this for a while. It’s all foreplay you know.”
This time Cordy laughed, “Foreplay? I’m shocked you were ever able to walk straight under the weight of that ego of yours.”
“You remember, Cordy,” Angelus said in a seductive tone. “That night in the cemetery. I was on top of you for only seconds, but you remember.”
Cordelia did remember the horror of it but also the thrill.
Angelus kept on talking, “You were scared that night, but you wanted me.”
He watched her glare at him and continued, “You want to feel it again. My body over yours. It’s what you’ve wanted since the first time you saw me. It’s what you still want. You don’t think the soul knows. It’s not a secret, Cordelia.”
Of all the things he could have said, it surprised Cordy that those were the words most likely to make her run from the room. Her aim with the crossbow wavered and Angelus smiled. He could smell her arousal.
“Yes, this is foreplay,” Angelus said.
She stood up and Angelus frowned at her. He didn’t want her to leave.
“You’re afraid to hear the truth,” Angelus challenged.
“You lie, Angelus,” she replied. “To me but especially to yourself. You love the sound of your own voice. You think you’re some great master vampire but a bunch teenagers in Sunnydale brought you down. You think you’re so irresistible and that nothing can touch you. You are nothing without your soul.”
“The soul’s a joke,” he replied.
“Without the soul you are only half a man,” Cordelia said. “Angel has people who would fight for him.”
“When we were in Sunnydale I had…” Angelus said.
Cordelia interrupted, “So what. You had minions who fought for you because of fear. I bet they would have staked you as soon as helped you if they’d had the choice. But Angel has people who would die for him. There are people who love him. What do you have? Who would die for you?”
“Drusilla…” Angelus began.
Cordelia refused to let him continue, “She follows you like a slave with a master. It’s like she doesn’t have a choice. Who would choose you? Who could love you?”
“Love’s a joke humanity plays on itself,” Angelus said. “You don’t love Angel. You love this idea of a champion that does not exist. Just because the soul’s around doesn’t mean I go away.”
“Of course not,” Cordelia snapped. “You’re a part of him. The demon is who he is as much as the soul. It’s the whole of him that I…”
She couldn’t finish, and Angelus didn’t reply. Cordelia couldn’t triumph over silencing him. The whole situation was emotionally exhausting. It made her think of feelings she didn’t want to deal with. She felt exposed. It was quiet so long that she was startled when he finally spoke.
“Do you love him, Cordelia? Do you love me?” he asked intently. He didn’t love her. He wasn’t capable of that but it felt necessary to know if she loved him.
Cordy wasn’t aiming the crossbow at him anymore. She wasn’t even looking at him. He’d cracked the wall she’d had around her, and they both knew it.
“You asked me who could love me,” Angelus said. “You do. If you really love him, I’m part of the bargain. What does that make you? A monster like me?”
“I’m a fool,” Cordelia replied, remembering Wesley’s warning not to engage Angelus. She turned her head finally looking him in the eye again. “I won’t play your games anymore.”
“You fear me,” Angelus said smiling at her.
“Way to state the obvious. You terrify me,” Cordelia said.
Yet, she stood her ground facing him. Angelus struggled with his chains. He wanted to fuck her, destroy her, and preserve her all at the same time.
“No more games,” Cordelia said walking towards the bed.
Angelus watched her wearily. She was angry, scared, and aroused. He knew that but could not predict what she would do next. She just stood there over him and stared. The scent of her fear was diminishing. She was too calm and that worried him. Cordy had left the crossbow on the chair but seemed somehow more dangerous.
“Why does it matter if I love you?” she asked looking bewildered.
“It doesn’t matter,” he lied.
“No more games,” she repeated and stared him down.
Angelus thought he’d broken her, but he was wrong.
“I’m willing to be honest,” Cordelia said. “Can you or are you a coward?”
“You think you intimidate me,” Angelus scoffed.
“I do love Angel as a friend,” Cordelia said.
“Liar,” Angelus said.
“No lies,” Cordy replied. “I love Angel. Am I in love with him? The feeling’s too new for me to have a name for it.”
Angelus wanted to gloat over her confession but he detected no vulnerability from her. With every word she gained strength.
“You were right. I do remember that night in the cemetery,” Cordelia said her eyes locked on his. “I was shocked and scared but aroused. You remember it, too. I’ve bet you’ve memorized the way my body felt beneath you. I bet you’ve thought about it. I’ve had dreams about it and nightmares, too. I always wonder what would have happened if Buffy hadn’t pulled you off me. What would have happened if we’d been alone that night? Would you have tortured me?”
“Then drained me dry and left my corpse on Buffy’s doorstep.”
“No?” she repeated warily.
“No,” Angelus insisted. “I would have killed that boy of yours first.”
“Xander?” she whispered his name.
“He had no right to ever touch you,” Angelus said. “Then, I would have killed your parents. All that time making you scream with pleasure and pain. I would have stripped you of everything and when you begged me…”
“I’d never beg,” she replied in an acid tone.
“I’d make you beg,” Angelus said with confidence. “When you begged me just to kill you so you could finally have peace, then I’d drain you, make you drink my blood, and turn you.”
Angelus could scent her increased fear and smiled, “You’d have been my queen of blood and destruction.”
Revolted by his plans for her, Cordelia replied, “I wouldn’t have been your queen. The vamp version of me would have destroyed you and laughed over your dust.”
“Oh you’d try. We’d battle for centuries,” Angelus said. “Blood, sex, and pain.”
“Foreplay?” Cordelia wondered.
“For eternity,” Angelus smiled.
Cordy shivered with horror and got quiet. She could imagine all the suffering that would have been the fallout of her and Angelus joining forces and innocent people caught in the crossfire when they battled.
“Why turn me?” she asked him finally. “Was that supposed to be some extra weapon against Buffy?”
“You and me…” Angelus hesitated. “It wasn’t about her. You didn’t matter to her not like the others. If I’d wanted to turn someone just to her hurt her, it would have been her watcher or her mother.”
“So?” Cordelia said.
“So what?” Angelus replied.
“Why turn me?” Cordelia asked again.
“I already explained it,” Angelus said.
“I’d be a queen yadda yadda foreplay yadda yadda,” Cordelia said, rolling her eyes. “Why, Angelus?”
It was his turn to get quiet.
“Are you a coward?” Cordy taunted.
The murder in the look he gave her made her feel triumphant instead of afraid, “Be. honest.”
“You’re mine,” Angelus said.
Cordy raised an eyebrow and replied, “I’ve never been yours.”
“You are mine,” he insisted. “I figured it out that night in the cemetery. The soul knows it, too. Every time you walk into the office. Every time you frustrate him. Every time you surprise him. Every time you walk out the door to go out with another man you’re ours. He pretends the possessiveness isn’t there. He wants to play big brother while all the time he just wants to take you, make you scream his name, and admit who you belong to.”
Her state of arousal increased and Angelus pulled at his chains hard enough to cut his wrist.
“Angelus!” she exclaimed when she saw blood dripping down his arm.
Cordelia swiftly left to grab Angel’s first aid kit. She needed that moment away from him and the confusion of feelings. She returned and sat on the bed beside Angelus. He could feel Cordy’s body heat. Her breast brushed against his arm as she tended his wound. He growled.
“Don’t be such a baby,” Cordy snapped assuming the growl was a reaction to the first aid. “It’s just some antiseptic.”
The frustration of not being able to touch her while her hands were on his wrist made him growl louder and pull his chains, “Fucking torture! It’s always the same when you tend wounds. You touch me and all I want is to touch you back. It gets so that it’s a relief when you get a vision, and there’s an excuse to hold you. The soul’s a wimp. Should’ve fucked you by now.”
“Get used to the frustration,” Cordelia said taping some gauze to his wound. “It’s never going to happen.”
She stood up, retrieved the crossbow she’d left on her chair, sat down and said, “Stop yanking the chains.”
“So we’re back to that,” Angelus laughed bitterly.
“There’s nothing left to say,” Cordy said aiming her weapon at him. She should’ve listened to Wesley. After everything that had been said, she wondered if she and Angel would be able to ignore all they’d learned about each other tonight.
As if reading her mind, Angelus said, “I know you’ll want to pretend this conversation never happened and the soul will let you. But the craving’s there even if you both deny it. You’re both fools.”
Cordelia’s comeback was prevented by the sound of Wesley walking down the stairs with his friend the witch and the orb of Thesulah. Angel’s soul was restored and he was freed of his restraints. They tried to go back to normal with Angel making breakfast for Cordy and Wesley. Cordelia knew she and Angel would never talk about tonight and that there might be some solace in that. But when his hand brushed against hers as he handed her a plate and their eyes locked, they both knew Angelus was right. The craving was still there like always except now they couldn’t pretend the other didn’t feel it, too. One night, one conversation, and it was a new world.