Bewitched, Bothered, and Be-ing in Trouble

SUMMARY: What if Angelus had pulled Cordelia through that window in Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered instead of Xander?
POSTED: 3 Jul 2008
CATEGORY: None specified
CONTENT/PAIRING: Characters – Cordelia, Angelus, Spike, Dru, Xander, Buffy, Giles, Willow, Jenny
WARNINGS: Attempted rape, animal mutilation (though no cats were harmed in the making of this fic). This isn’t a fluffy happy Angelus takes Cordy out for malts and then to the sock hop kind of fic. He is a soulless, ruthless vampire who happens to show affection with human hearts.
1) Word Count: 5,164
2) Beta’d by: My bestest canon gf, Sarah. (who is awesomesauce!)

Cordelia rushed into Buffy’s bedroom, Xander hot on her heels. He threw himself against the door and turned the lock quickly. He kept himself flush with the door. It wasn’t the best defense but it was some defense if Mrs. Summers decided she wanted to play bashy bashy with the flimsy door.

Cordelia went to the window to see if she could see any sign of the mob that had been chasing Xander. She didn’t feel even the slightest bit safer. The door between them and Mrs. Summers would hold only if she decided not to become an axe-wielding mother. Cordelia turned to face him. “I don’t see any sign of them. We should be…”

She never got a chance to finish her sentence as two large hands reached into the window, grabbing her through the opening and sending her tumbling ass over tea kettle along the roof and onto the lawn below. Her head hit the ground first, followed by the rest of her body. Soft grass, yeah right, those Summers girls needed to get out of the crab grass and look into some real landscaping. Her entire world spun around her. She was dazed, unable to process what was going on until it was too late and a large, dark figure was looming over her.

“Where’s Buffy?”

She groaned as she grabbed the back of her head, fingers dipping into the sticky patch of blood that was already tangling her hair. She winced against the pain of touching the wound. “Oh, I’m SO not surprised that you’d ask where she is. Don’t you have any other lines?”

Cordy didn’t have a chance to say or do anything else as she found herself pulled up to her feet by Angel. She held her hand held firmly to the back of her head as the world started to spin around her once more. Great, she was going to die because Buffy was probably too busy looking for Xander, like every other girl in this town.

“I was really hoping to see Buffy tonight, but I guess you are going to have to do. I would have liked to leave her a Joyce or Xander corpse but beggars…”

She felt her head being jerked roughly to the side with one cool hand, her neck exposed to him and the night. Right now, her fear was overcome with her anger. She could hear her heart pounding in her ears, sending blood rushing to the wound at the back of her head. Thinking clearly wasn’t going to be an option, not when her life was on the line. “Excuse me? I think you are forgetting who you are dealing with. I’m not a nobody, I’m Cordelia Chase.”

Angelus paused in his decent towards that inviting neck. She was right. She was Cordelia Chase. And it had been far too long since he’d had a nice warm body. Or a slowly cooling body. He could work with it either way. The smell of her blood lingered in the air, and he knew that he was going to be in for a treat. He put one hand around her waist, hauling her up like a rag doll. No laying down on the grass for her, not when he was about to defile this perfect little cheerleader. He pressed her against the closest tree, ripping her hand from the back of her head and bringing it to his lips to lick the blood off.

Now Cordelia was getting scared. She could fight or…scream. But she doubted Xander would go white knight for her. Buffy or Willow, sure. Her, not so much. “That isn’t exactly a turn on, you know. Any girl that told you that, she’s lying to you.” She tried to speak with confidence but the waver in her voice betrayed it.

Angelus kept his eyes on her as he cleaned the blood from her hand. There was something special about this one. He had no idea why he hadn’t noticed it before. He yanked her wrist hard, happy when he heard a yelp of pain escape her lips. “I like it a lot more when you girls keep quiet.” He grabbed her other wrist, pinning them both over her head and holding them there with one hand.

She shifted, the situation going from bad to worse as he moved his free hand down her figure. When he ripped open her blouse, sending her buttons flying everywhere, she knew that it was way past the time for the fighting option, not that she could take him. She let out a scream, shifting and twisting to try to get away from the vampire. “XANDER! XANDER!”

“Come on, now, Cordy. I don’t like to share.” He grinned at her.


Xander was in a momentary state of shock as he saw Cordelia pulled from the window by Angel. He never did like that guy and he liked him even less when he was pulling Xander’s ex-girlfriends through windows to their doom. He opened the bedroom door, only to find Joyce there, wielding her knife.

“Xander, I know we can be happy together. But if I can’t have you…” Joyce lifted the knife high, ready to plunge it into the teenage boy.

Xander ducked, turning his body to get past her. He had to get outside, get to Cordelia and…that was as far as he had gotten with his plan as he took the stairs two at a time to get to the front door. He burst through it, coming face to face with one very toothy vampire.

Drusilla reached out, touching his face softly. “Shhh, now, my darling. No more running away. Mummy’s here.”

“Oh yeah, that’s great but I’ve already got a mom and she gets real mad when I bring home new ones. You know, the whole I was in labor with you for fifteen hours thing.” He tried to move away but found the vampire blocking his path. The minutes were ticking away and there was no telling what that sick bastard was doing to Cordy as he played bob and weave with crazyhouse here.

“You speak in riddles and it tickles my toes and all the parts that my mummy told me to hide. Hide away…” She sang the last part softly, wavering on her feet, almost going into a trance. Xander saw his chance and tried to get past her, only to find an iron grip on his wrist. “Now you are making me quite cross. Must I put you in the corner with the others?”

“I don’t play well with others.” He gave a bit of a nervous laugh, looking at the hand that was holding his wrist firmly. Dru pulled him closer, knocking him off his feet. He very nearly stumbled into her, finding the only thing to keep him from falling was her body.

She licked his cheek, cool tongue running from his chin to his temple. She snickered. “You taste like sparkles of light.”

“Must be that new soap I’m using.” He stiffened as he heard Cordelia’s screams. He had to get away from this crazy vampire chick and pronto. At least he knew by her screams that Cordelia was alive. He didn’t even want to consider what Angel was doing to her. “Hey, how about a date? I’ll take you out, we can slaughter some innocents, take in a movie.”

Drusilla just giggled once more, eyes closing, swaying back and forth on her feet, and one hand held to her chest. “Such things you say, my puppy.”

As soon as he saw her close her eyes and her body start to sway, he made his move. He wrestled his wrist free from her grip and made his way across the porch and to the lawn. He barely made it to the grass before the angry mob closed in.

“Oh my god,” Cordelia paced the library floor, her hands thrown up in frustration. She just didn’t understand why Xander and Giles weren’t acting more concerned. Why Giles hadn’t sent Buffy out to stake Angel already. “I could have been killed. Or worse. Did you see what he did to my blouse? Does nobody care that the heart and soul of the Sunnydale Cheerleading Squad was almost a meal and entertainment for a vampire?”

“Yes, Cordelia, we are all very concerned.” Giles sat on the edge of table. His glasses were perched between two fingers as his other hand rubbed at his eyes. The strain of having to listen to the brunette rant for the last half hour was beginning to take its toll on the librarian.

“I’m telling you, if it wasn’t for the mob of angry psycho stalker women, Angel would have…I don’t even want to think about what he would have done. I am already taking fifteen showers a day. No thanks to you, Xander.” She focused her gaze on him. She added a point in his direction for emphasis. She blamed him. If he hadn’t done his stupid spell, she would have been safe at home, not pressed against a tree, nearly raped by a homicidal vampire. Xander sat slumped in one of the chairs, fingers pressed together, which didn’t help Cordelia’s anger.

“I told you, Cordy, I was dealing with my own vampire problem.”

“Yeah, and it wouldn’t have even been a problem if you hadn’t cast your little voodoo spell. I swear, I don’t even know why I continue to hang around you people.”

“Well, the fact remains that you are safe now.” Giles replied, putting his glasses back on his face.

“And what if he comes after me again? We all know that Buffy can’t get the job done.”

“Cordelia!” Giles snapped at her. “That is quite enough of that. Buffy has been dealing with this as best as can be expected under the circumstances. Now I suggest you gather your things and make your way to class.”

“Oh there is no way I am going to class after almost being love at first bite last night. No way, no how. The only reason I came in today was to tell you what happened and to see if there is any kind of reimbursement for my ruined blouse. He ripped it right off me!” She put both hands on her hips, waiting for a cash or check payment that never was going to come if Giles wardrobe budget was any indication.

Xander sprang out of his seat, taking his ex-girlfriend by the elbow and leading her away before Giles hurt her worse than Angel. He guided her out the double doors of the library. “Jeeze Cordy, don’t you think about anything other than clothes? You could have died last night.”

“Again, no thanks to you.” She pulled her elbow free from him. She started walking away from the library, away from Xander and his no-helping self. “I was so right about you. We could have been happy if you had just stopped focusing on every other girl that is not me for one minute.”


Drusilla spun around the room, arms outstretched, a smile painted across her lips. She danced around Spike in his wheelchair, her fingers barely gracing his shoulders. Spike couldn’t help but smile as she moved. “And what are we so happy about, pet? Have fun last night?”

Dru stopped in her dance. She leaned down, lips close to Spike’s ear. “Daddy’s going to make me a sister.” She stood back up and took up her dance once more. She swung her dark red skirts in a wide arc as she spun. “We’ll sing to the sky and have cakes made of tulips.”

Spike looked up and his eyes went to Angelus across the room. “What is this then? Don’t tell me you are going to turn that bloody little bint. Last thing we need is someone as annoying as The Slayer in our business.”

Dru put her finger against Spike’s lips as she giggled. “No, my dear Spike. A twin. She can see the darkness, but not yet. She’s got too much life.” She took her finger from his mouth, making her way with skirts swishing towards Angelus. She circled around him, hardly able to contain her giggling.

“I’m bored with the Slayer. I figure time’s long past killing her. I found something else. Isn’t that right, Dru?” He took her into his arms, one arm hooked around her waist, pulling her closer to him and off her feet. Ever since last night, he couldn’t get the taste of the brunette cheerleader out of his mouth. She was on his tongue and invading his pores. Buffy was for fun, Cordelia was forever.

“Her screams are so sweet. Like taffy candy.” Dru reached up to tap at Angelus’ lips. She knew that he had tasted the girl, just a little nibble. He didn’t want to ruin her by killing her too soon. She’d be a trophy, an accomplishment, just like herself.

“Well, who is it then?” Spike grabbed the wheels of his chair, pushing himself towards the two.

“Oh, nobody you know, Spike. Seeing as you don’t get out much these days, aren’t…in the know.” Angelus grinned, pulling Dru even closer to himself, knowing how much it would only piss Spike off. Even with his mind consumed with how to destroy Cordelia Chase, to drive her to madness, he still wanted to make sure that Spike was suffering as well.

“I think I’ve got a right to know who she is.” Spike stopped just short of them, reaching out, grabbing Dru, and pulling her into his lap. “On second thought, mate, have your fun with this one. Me and Dru’ll find a way to amuse ourselves.”

“But I want to play with the nice girl. I want to make her scream.” Dru leaned over, nearly falling out of Spike’s lap.

“Don’t worry, Dru. I could never say no to you.” Angelus just smiled.


Cordelia made her way out of the mall, several heavy bags slung over her shoulder. She couldn’t find an exact replacement for her blouse, but the dozen she had bought should help ease the pain. Not to mention the shoes. And the new skirts. She was a girl in fear for her life and mourning, she needed retail therapy. She hadn’t noticed how late it was as she made her way across the parking lot, heading for her car. She stopped short as she saw a familiar figure leaning against it. He flicked his cigarette towards the nearest light post before turning to look at her.

“Cordelia, Cordelia. Think you could give me a ride?” Angelus grinned at her, his tone sounding more sinister and sexual than she had ever heard in her life. His eyes roamed her body, reliving the feel of her naked skin under his fingers as he touched her stomach last night. She was so hot and smooth, like touching liquid fire.

“The only ride you are getting is on the pointy end of a stick once Buffy finds out you are using her friends for your little happytime toys.” She stood her ground, not getting any closer to him. Her heart was pounding a mile a minute. All the fear from the night before came rushing back to her. She was so close to death, and she knew it.

“Ouch, that hurts.” He put his hand over his heart before he started chuckling. He hadn’t moved from his position. He wanted to see what she would do first. He knew she didn’t have the skill or smarts to fight him. Her battles were mental, which made her such a challenge. To break her, that was where the fun was going to lie.

“And exactly what is so funny?” She stood her ground as she slowly lowered the bags off her shoulder. As long as she kept him talking, kept him leaning against her car, she might have a shot of living through this.

“You think Buffy can stop me. If she could, she would have by now.” He looked her over, a look from toes to top that sent a shiver down her spine. He grinned as he watched her shiver. He’d have her writhing in no time. “Besides, she’s old news.” He looked serious for a moment. “We’ve both moved on.”

“Well, it’s nice to see that you can find some other freak to torment. Maybe you two can get a coffin in another town. I hear New York is a great place for the undead.”

Without so much as time to blink, he was on her, mere inches from her body. He looked her over once more, like a cat stalking a mouse. “Oh, I think I’ll be staying here. At least for a little while.” He reached out to touch her cheek. His cool fingers slid from the apple of her cheek to her jaw line and then down to stroke her delicate neck. It would be so easy to snap it right now, to leave her body as a token, but he wanted so much more for this girl.

Cordelia didn’t like that touch. It reminded her of last night, of his hand gliding over her stomach and slipping to the waistband of her skirt. He would have gone further if the female mob squad hadn’t tackled him in their pursuit of Xander. She just had to remember that this was not Buffy’s boyfriend. He was not a cuddly cute vampire who wanted to take you to Prom. He was the kind that killed your friends. Thinking quickly, she swung her shopping bags at him, hoping that the weight of the shoes at least would be enough to knock him off his feet. She just needed that one good shot so she could run to her car.

The bags caught Angelus off guard. He found himself wavering, stumbling over his feet as he was caught off balance. He recovered quickly but not quickly enough as he saw a front grill coming at him. As he connected with the oncoming car, he rolled to the side, his body denting the hood before Cordelia hit the brakes. She threw it into reverse, slamming her foot on the gas, sending Angelus’ body sliding off the front. Her tires shrieked as she once more shifted into drive, her foot pressed hard to the floor, speeding out of the parking lot.


“She hit you with her car?” Spike couldn’t hide the smile on his features. “That is brilliant. I’m starting to like this girl already.”

Angelus stood hunched over the main table, still grabbing his middle. He was healing but not as quickly as he would have liked. Cordelia had broken several ribs with her little stunt. “I’d still be out there too if some kindly old security guard hadn’t come by.” He growled out. He kept his eyes down. He hadn’t expected Cordelia to be so resourceful. Then again, she was giving him a challenge. He could appreciate that.

“Sounds like you bit off more than you can chew, Angelus.” Spike rolled himself over towards the other vampire. “Maybe about time you went back to nipping at the Slayer’s heels. She never hit you with a car.” He barely got the last part out without a laugh. It really was too good.

Angelus grabbed Spike, face inches from his, still growling. “What’s the matter, Wheels? Little jealous that me and Dru get to go out and play while you are stuck being Suzie Homemaker?”

Spike kept his eyes locked on Angelus, not backing down. “If being hit by cars is your idea of fun…” He trailed off as Dru came into the room. She was holding Miss Edith, stroking the doll softly.

“My sister’s been a naughty sort. And I’ve already decorated our room for the party.” She looked up at the two. Her face changed, eyes flashing, and teeth bared. “I think we should give her an early birthday present.”


Xander had been growing more worried as the hours passed and Cordelia still hadn’t shown up for school. By the end of the day, he was nearly ready to jump out of his skin. She’d already been attacked by Angel once. He wasn’t about to let it happen again, even if he had to try to stake the guy himself. He burst through the library doors, interrupting the pow-wow of Buffy, Willow, Giles, and Ms. Calender that was already in session.

“Cordy never came to school today. She hasn’t been answering her phone either.” He looked at each of their faces in turn. It seemed he had burst in on something major, but for the moment, he didn’t want to waste time asking what he missed.

“And this is news because…” Buffy glanced over at him from her seat on top of the research table.

“Because we were supposed to meet at The Bronze after she went shopping yesterday, and she didn’t show. And today was a pep rally.”

“I still don’t see how this is national news, Xan. So she missed a day of school, what’s the big?” Buffy looked from Xander to Giles, who were sharing a look between them.

“Well, Buffy…” Giles took his glasses from his face. He kept his head down. “Angel attacked Cordelia. He was interrupted by a mob of angry women. It is quite possible that he wants to finish the job.”

Buffy was quiet for a moment. Angel had already killed one person in her class. He wasn’t just going to be satisfied with trading barbs and punches it seemed. She turned to Willow. “Will, start checking the coroner’s office. Giles, you’ve got the transport, so why don’t you go over to her house.” Buffy hopped down off the table. “Jenny and I will get working on that…thing.”

“Wait, there is a thing? What thing? Why am I not in on this thing?” Xander said as he looked between the two women. He was distracted for a second by being left out of the loop.

“Don’t worry about it, Xander. You need to worry about finding Cordelia.” Buffy knew that Xander would never approve of the ensouling Angel route. He would want to go straight for the stake to the heart. She was just glad that he had been late and hadn’t heard Jenny’s news.

“I don’t see anything about any girls that could be Cordy that died last night.” Willow looked up from the computer. “But I will keep checking, you know…” She didn’t have to finish her sentence. They all knew that she meant just in case the police hadn’t found the body yet.

“Thank you, Willow.” Giles said. He put his glasses back onto his face before looking at Xander. “Shall we then? The sun will be down soon.” That was another sentence that didn’t need finishing. If Cordelia was a vampire, there was only one alternative when the sun set. Xander didn’t want to think about that as he left the library with Giles.


Xander pounded his fist against the door to Cordelia’s house. It was one of the biggest in Sunnydale, and he was sure that she probably couldn’t hear it over all that square footage. He reached over to ring the bell at the same time as he pounded on the door.

“Do you really think all of that is necessary, Xander?” Giles gave him a disapproving look.

“Wake the dead right? You’ve got that cross ready?” He glanced over at the librarian, hands still going double time on knocking and at the bell. They were both prepared for a very pale and not sun-happy Cordelia to open the door.

“Yes, but I am hoping it is not needed.” He kept the cross up and at the ready for when Cordelia would answer the door.

The door opened slightly as Cordelia peeked her face through the crack. She looked bleary eyed, her hair disheveled. She was dressed in a bathrobe that looked well-worn and loved. “Jeeze, Xander, I don’t think they heard you in China.” She didn’t pull back as Giles held the cross up towards her face. She reached out, pushing it down. “Yeah, hi, not a vampire. Do you see an ugly bumpy forehead and sharp, pointy teeth?” She paused for a moment as she looked at the two of them. It was clear that they were not going to move. She sighed and moved out of the way of the door, opening it wider for them to come into her house.

“So you really were sick?” Xander said as he looked her over. He had never seen Cordelia in anything less than perfectly made up. This bathrobe and bad hair combo was a first for him.

“Angel attacked me last night. In the mall parking lot. Is nothing sacred to those people?!” She turned to look at both of them.

“Are you alright then? He didn’t bite you, did he? Or…worse?” Giles let the pause sit between his words. Angel had already tried to have his way with Cordelia once, it wasn’t out of the question that he would try again.

“No.” She shook her head. The idea that Angel would try to finish his attempted ‘seduction’ was still fresh in her mind, not matter how many hours of daytime TV she had watched to try to remove it. “When he came for me, I smacked him with my shopping bags. And then I hit him with my car.”

“You…hit him with your car?” Giles sounded slightly stunned.

Meanwhile, all Xander could do was grin. She might not know how to use a stake or a crossbow, but she wouldn’t let anyone mess with her, vampire or otherwise. He hoped that she had really hurt Angel. “That’s my girl.”

“Yes, I hit him with my car. I don’t carry around a stake like a certain little Miss Slayer. It was the only weapon I had. And my dad is going to KILL me. First, the canvas top and now this. I have an Angel sized dent in the hood. He is going to take away my car for sure when he gets back from Cabo.” She walked them into the living room, where she sat down on one of the couches. This entire conversation was exhausting her. She didn’t want to think about last night or the night before. She just wanted Angel to either be better or to go back to bothering Buffy. Sure, a girl liked the attention, but this wasn’t cat calls or whistling, this was her life. Giles and Xander both followed her, taking up a seat on the couch and recliner respectively.

Giles couldn’t hide his concern about how shaken up Cordelia looked. “Cordelia, are you sure that you are going to be alright?”

She nodded her head. It was hard not thinking about what she was feeling when Giles and Xander were here to remind her. She did her best to hide her real pain. “Yeah, I am just really pissed off. I found these beautiful new sandals in my size and now they are lying in some mall parking lot. What if some one comes along that can’t appreciate them? I am never going to see them again.”

“Can we get a little bit of focus here? You could have been vamp food again.” Xander spoke up now. He couldn’t understand why Cordelia wasn’t more upset that her life had been in danger again. His fists were clenching and unclenching, ready to turn Angel into dust the next time that he saw him.

She merely rolled her eyes at him. “But I’m not. I am sure that Angel will go back to his Buffy stalking now. He was probably just at the mall buying some more black pants or something.”

Giles cleared his throat. “Xander may have a point, Cordelia. Angel may be targeting you since his…plans for you were interrupted. Vampires do tend to fixate on something until they see it to completion. You should be safe here. You never invited him in, correct?”

She nodded her head, but paused as she remembered something. She couldn’t hide the panicked look that swept across her face. “The only place I invited him in was my car. Oh god, what if he tries to get into my car? He better not mess with the upholstery too!”

Xander was about to make a quip when he heard the doorbell ringing. He got up from his seat. “That is probably Buffy. I’ll go get it, tell her that you aren’t a vampire and are very much alive and snarking.” Before she could say anything back to him, Xander was already heading for the front door.

“And I should call Willow, so that she can stop her search on the computer.” Giles rose from his seat. “Your telephone?”

Cordelia gestured towards a back hall. She sat forward slightly, running her hands through her hair in an attempt to calm it down. She hoped she was right, that Angel would be leaving her alone for now. He was Buffy’s ex, and she should be the one dealing with his. If Angel ever got back to his normal self, he was going to have to replace every single item of clothing that she had lost in that parking lot.

Xander came back, holding a shoebox sized package. It was wrapped in dark paper with a large bow on top. “Looks like it’s for you.” He couldn’t hide the jealousy from sneaking up into his voice. He handed the package to her.

She took it, setting it down in her lap. She had no idea who would be sending her gifts, but she was glad for it. She needed some serious gifting right about now, and Xander Harris couldn’t be counted on anymore for that. She lifted the lid, looking inside. It took her a moment to process that her cat, the pet she had had since childhood, was now laying on its back inside the box, its belly cut open and insides on display like a macabre art piece. It all seemed so surreal. Just hours ago, she had been curled up in bed with him, scratching under his chin, feeling the rumble of his purr and now this.

“Oh god…Cordy.” Xander said softly, pulling her from her trance. He reached for the box, to try to take it away from her, but her hands were like a steel trap around it. She had to be in shock. “Cordy? Cordy!” He said more firmly as he tried to take the box from her again.

She kept her eyes locked on the contents, unable to pull away. She didn’t feel Xander tugging at the box nor hear his voice. All she saw was her pet, her innocent cat that couldn’t even hurt a mouse, put on display. She had no other choice as realization hit her like a truck. She screamed.




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