D for Drool

SUMMARY: Cordy has died and Become a Higher power but her job of helping Angel hasn’t ended.
POSTED: 3 Aug 2010
WARNINGS: None Listed
STATUS: Complete

Cordelia Chase was dead, but she had finely truly become a Higher Power. It was nothing like she remembered from the last time she had ascended. Before it had been just a trick and she was plopped down on a cloud and forced to watch whatever Jasmine or the Powers had wanted her to see. This time was different; Cordelia Chase was in her own space in a higher realm. Everything around her was shiny and white, with bits of color creeping in here and there. It was vivid and calming all at the same time. She sat there staring off into space looking at nothing but seeing everything.

What ever she wanted to see she could. She could see anything that was going on anywhere on earth. She could also block out the things she didn’t want to see. Which is what she was doing. She blocked out her old life, choosing to look at other things other people. When she had first ascended upon her death she watched her friends, family and loved ones until it hurt her heart to watch anymore. She missed them so much. She missed him so much. Seeing them day after day only reminded her of how far away from them she really was. But she couldn’t completely leave her old life behind. She may not want to see Angel, Wesley, Fred, Gunn or Lorne, but she did want something familiar.

Right now she was watching some very old friends. The old Sunnydale crew had sure changed a lot from the last time she had seen them. Willow seemed happy with her new girlfriend Kennedy. Xander seemed totally different from the Zeppo he once was. He was now stoic, and so grown up. Then there was Giles; the ex-watcher had changed the least. He had grown more rugged and his experiences had added to his knowledge and confidence. Buffy’s little sister Dawn had grown up so much. The little girl she had known in Sunnydale was now a young woman. Buffy had also changed. She had grown into her leadership role. She was now in charge of a several hundred slayers around the world.

Cordelia watched as Buffy in one of her few moments of solitude lay on her bed head rested in her arms as she cried. She knew Buffy rarely showed emotion other then a quick smile to her friends, or a hug to Dawn Xander and Willow. Watching Buffy weep was unnerving. It was a side Cordelia had never seen. Cordelia strained to hear the whisper that escaped from the slayers mouth.


Cordelia’s heart broke for her. If Buffy missed Spike that much then how did she feel about Angel. Just thinking a bout Angel brought her own tears to her eyes. She missed him so much. With her head hung she wept. A tear slid down her cheek and splashed onto the back of her hand.

Looking up she was surprised to see Doyle. He had been her friend years ago and he cared for her very much. He even loved her enough to pass the visions on to her when he died. He had sacrificed himself to save her, Angel and a group of Brackin demons from the Scourge

“ Special delivery for Miss Cordelia Chase”


“That’s right I have a letter here just for you from earth.”

“Do we get letters from earth?”

“Only on very special occasions. Sometimes our loved ones write to use after we die as a form of therapy. Occasionally we get to read them.”

He held the letter out to her as if trying to entice her. She looked so sad when he had arrived. He wanted to comfort her but now was not the time if there ever would be one. She had to hurry and read this letter so he could get to his appointment.

“What does it say?” she asked.

“That you will have to find out for yourself.”

“I don’t know if I want to read it. It hurts too much to think of my old life.”

“I know princess but the PTB want you to read this, and it’s usually a good idea to do what they want. Besides you’re not afraid are you?” He teased knowing he could get a rise out of her.

She glared at him with darkening hazel eyes. “ Of coarse I’m not afraid. I’ll read it if you will stay with me while I do.”

“I wish I could but I have something to do.”


“Cordelia you’ve got to snap out of it. The PTB say you are neglecting your charges on earth.”

“My charges?”

“Those we have loved and left behind. They need us to watch over them and give them a little nudge on occasion.”


“Remember when you were here before and you watched your friends in Vegas? How Angel lost his future destiny and you made him win that slot machine. That’s what I’m talking about. Just a little nudge.”

With that he was gone. She stared down at the letter lying in her lap. Slowly she reached for it. Opening the Sheet of paper she began to read.


My Cordy.

I love you. You came back to me after so long only to stay one day. What was so damn important that PTB had to take you from me? If they wanted me to fight they should have kept you here with me.

I don’t know how to do it anymore. I don’t want to fight anymore, not alone. When I had you with me I was never alone. I forgot what it was even like to feel alone. You made me feel whole. With out that I don’t know what I’m fighting for.

In the beginning I fought for my souls redemption. I knew that it was losing fight. So many horrible things cannot be made up for. Then when we learned about the Shansu I thought I could fight to become human. I thought that would earn me the redemption I was seeking. I can no longer hope for that. So I fought for others. I fought for you. I’m sorry I failed you. You were my redemption and I failed you. I failed myself. Fighting doesn’t mean what it once did. Not with out you in my life.

You promised you would be with me through everything. Why couldn’t you keep your promise? I miss you so much I love you so much. I am so angry with you for leaving me.

My love, I am gearing up for one final battle before I lay down my sword. Thank you for the vision you left me with. I expect that I will die in the weeks to come. I have nothing more to live for. I will never again have the chance to see you or be with you. I will be in hell. The kind there is no coming back from. Remember me.

I miss you Cordy and I will always love you.

Your Angel
Cordelia held the letter to her breast as the tears ran down her face. He sounded so hurt. He sounded as if he was welcoming death. She couldn’t let that happen. She had to know what was happening on earth. It was time to look in on her loved ones.

It didn’t take her long to look back and see what she had missed. Some of it hurt. She saw Angel develop a new friend ship with a werewolf named Nina. She saw Fred and Wesley become closer. It made her smile to think that they had finely made it. She always new they were meant to be together. She saw Gunn. She barely recognized him anymore. She watched as he struck a deal that would bring forth a new sadness. She saw his betrayal.

The last thing she saw took her breath away. It was like watching a play, but it was real.

“Will you kiss me?” Fred asked.

Wesley kissed her holding her to him.

” Would you have loved me?” she asked him with a strained painful voice.

” I’ve loved you since I’ve known you. No, that’s not—I think maybe even before.”

” I’m so sorry.” She said to him.

” No, no, no.”

” I need you to talk to my parents. They have to know I wasn’t scared, that it was quick. That I wasn’t scared.”

She starts convulsing in his arms.

“ Oh, God.” She says in pain.

“You have to fight. You don’t have to talk, just concentrate on fighting. Just hold on.” He instructs her in a fearful pained voice.

”I’m not scared. I’m not scared. I’m not scared. Please, Wesley, why can’t I stay?” She begs in pain.

He body went still as Wes holds her in his arms.

” Please… Please…” Wesley begs.

He holds her to him, crying. Her eyes glaze over like they’ve frozen. Suddenly her body convulses, sending her flying in one direction and him in the other. When she stands up, she has become blue haired, blue skin and a demon god.

” This will do.” The voice emanates from Fred’s body.

Cordelia Wept. Another solder down in the fight. She heard a sound of a clearing throat. Looking up her eyes met Fred’s. She was standing right there with Doyle.

“ Cordy!” The petite Texan shrieked with glee running to her friend.

“Fred!” Cordelia whispered embracing her friend.

“ I told you I had something to do. I went to bring Fred to you.”

“Doyle can we save Angel?”

“That’s the plan princess. We still have some people to see first but it’s almost time to save Angel and the world again.”



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s