SUMMARY: Would Buffy envy Cordelia so much she would do something wickedly sinful? A challenge by Sunscorched.
POSTED: 12 Aug 2003
CATEGORY: Challenge Fic
CONTENT/PAIRING: C/A friendship, B/A history
AUTHOR NOTES: This was written in response to a challenge by Sunscorched: can be read HERE. My section is: Would Buffy envy Cordelia so much she would do something wickedly sinful? The virtue Envy sins against is Love. Fluff was forbidden, which turned out to be harder for me than I imagined it might be and I don’t think I was very successful, sorry. *indicates thoughts*

Cordelia was sitting on the counter in the lobby of the Hyperion, eating Chinese take away from a small white box. Angel was leaning forward against the counter looking up at Cordelia as she spoke between mouthfuls.

“I have to admit, it’s kind of nice to be eating food that isn’t tacos or burritos.” Cordelia said drumming her heals against the counter.

“Don’t get too used to it, they’ve only gone to a movie, when they get back, you know Fred is going to be hungry.” Angel smiled up at Cordy as he took a sip of blood from the mug in his hand.

“The amount that girl eats she should be as big as a house.”

Watching, unnoticed from the doorway, Buffy couldn’t hear what Cordelia and Angel were saying, but she noticed how close they were to each other and she didn’t like the way Angel was smiling up at Cordelia. Time to break that up, she thought to herself, walking into the room and making herself known.

Looking up from her food, Cordelia was the first to spot Buffy. Sticking her chopsticks into the box and putting the box down, Cordelia jumped off the bench and ran over to greet Buffy.

“Buffy, oh my god, for someone who was dead not so long ago, you look fantastic.” Cordelia was about to hug Buffy when she noticed the cold aloof look she was receiving.

“Hi Cordelia.” Buffy said emotionlessly.

“Hm, ok so I guess that wraps up the warm reunion part of the evening. I think I’ll just go, um somewhere that is else.” Cordelia turned back towards the counter, picking up her take away and shrugging at Angel; she made her way into Wesley’s office and shut the door.

“Hi Buffy, how are you?” Angel asked walking over to her.

“Still alive. You?”

“Still dead. So what brings you to LA.? Are things ok in Sunnydale?”

“Things are fine. Willow thought it might be nice for me to get away from the hell mouth for a couple of days; I had no where else to go so thought I’d visit. Hope that’s ok?”

“That’s fine. We have some spare rooms. I’ll take you up and show you one.”

Angel grabbed Buffy’s back pack from her and led the way up to a room that was in reasonable condition.

Meanwhile in the office, Cordelia was on the phone to Willow.

“Hi Will, it’s Cordy. How are you?”

“Good thanks Cor, how are you? Did Buffy arrive safely?”

“Mm about that? What’s with the lack of warning? You couldn’t pick up the phone and let us know to expect her?”

“Sorry, I meant to call, but well you know the hell mouth, it’s always something. Buffy is a bit um fragile at the moment, so um, well, I mean it’s…”

“Are you trying to find a way to tell me to go easy on her?” Cordy laughed at Willow’s stuttering.

“Don’t be mad Cordy. I know you don’t mean to hurt people, it’s just Buffy has been through a lot lately.”

“It’s ok. I guess I can be nice for a day or two, it is only a day or two right?”

“Right. Thanks Cordy, bye.” Willow rang off.

Putting the phone down thoughtfully, Cordy finished her take away and waited for Angel to come back downstairs.

Angel descended the stairs slowly. He was concerned over Buffy, she just didn’t seem herself, she was distant and removed. Seeing Cordy sitting at her desk, he wandered over and stood staring at her, deep in thought.

“I talked with Willow.” Cordy began without turning around.

“Oh?” Angel walked around to sit down opposite Cordy.

“She said Buffy is a bit fragile so we should be gentle and it’s only for a couple of days.”

Angel and Cordy sat in comfortable silence, preoccupied with their own thoughts. The noise of Lorne, Wesley, Fred and Gunn returning snapped them out of their thoughts.

“Hey guys, how was the movie?” Cordy got up and walked out to the sofas to sit with Fred.

“It was great, and we had pop corn and ice cream and candy. I had the best time.”

Buffy stood out of sight on the landing, watching the interactions of those below her as they teased the skinny girl about her eating habits. The 6 of them looked so happy together, laughing and joking and jostling one another. She used to have that, Buffy remembered feeling like that with Willow and Xander, but they had taken her from heaven and now there was only resentment. But there was no resentment towards Angel, he would never have thought she was in hell, Angel loved her and he would make things better for her. It would just take some time. After watching for a couple of minutes more, Buffy made her way back to her room.

Next morning when Buffy descended the stairs, she found Cordelia already at her desk. Buffy looked around but didn’t see Angel nearby.

“Morning Buffy. Can I get you some coffee?” Cordy offered seeing Buffy standing in front of the counter.

“Where’s Angel?”

“He’s not up yet. If you want to have a coffee, the machine is there, mugs next to it you can help yourself. I’m just going to do some filing. Fred, Gunn and Wes will be here soon and Angel will be down around lunch time.”

Cordelia went back to her filing, leaving Buffy standing in front of the counter. Buffy helped herself to a coffee and went to sit on the red sofa, out of the way, to wait for Angel.

“Hey Barbie.” Gunn called as he entered the hotel from the courtyard. He was with Fred; they had been to their favourite diner for breakfast.

“Hey guys. This is Buffy, Buffy this is Gunn and that is Fred. They work with us.” Introductions over, Cordy turned back to Gunn and Fred, “hey who ate the most pancakes this morning?”

“I am the champion and all time King of the World.” Gunn cried holding his arms aloft in a victory pose.

“Enjoy it while you can, it’s the first and last time you will win.” Fred giggled at Gunn’s antics.

“Oh my god, Fred, are you sick?” Cordy teased. “I can’t believe you lost, letting down the name of women world wide, oh the shame.”

Buffy watched as Fred and Gunn helped themselves to coffee, and then went about their daily routine, all the while continuing the bantering and teasing.

“Good morning all. Oh hello Buffy, how are you?” Wesley entered the lobby carrying a box of donuts.

“Good.” Buffy replied as Wesley carried the donuts over to the counter, where he was descended upon by Fred and Cordy.

“Fred, there are no donuts for you today, you let Gunn win and must now be punished. Plus this will help you for tomorrow’s contest.” Cordy grabbed the box away from Fred.

Gunn swooped in and picked Cordy up swinging her around in the air as she shrieked.

“Beware the wrath of the King of the World Barbie, and give the man a victory donut.” Gunn deposited Cordy on the counter where she opened the box of donuts and handed them around.

“How can a man-pire be expected to sleep around here with all this noise?” Angel descended the stairs.

“Morning Angel” everyone chorused as Cordy heated him up a mug of blood.

Buffy watched as Angel and Cordy exchanged small smiles of warm greeting as she handed him his blood. The friendly exchanges continued as the team got down to the daily routine.

Buffy watched from the sofa as Angel and Cordy worked together seamlessly, researching a demon Wesley wanted information about. They didn’t even need to finish their sentences; the other always knew what they were thinking. Finally Buffy had had enough of being ignored; Angel hadn’t even greeted her yet.

Getting up from the sofa, Buffy came over to stand next to Angel.

“Hi Angel.” She said softly.

“Oh, hi Buffy, I’m sorry I didn’t notice you come down. What were your plans for today?”

Buffy looked towards Cordelia, who although turned discreetly away must be able to hear everything she and Angel were saying.

“I’m going to see my Father today, but thought maybe you and I could go out for something to eat tonight?” Buffy finally offered.

“Sure. I’ll be here when you get back. Have a good day.” Angel turned back to Cordelia without giving Buffy another glance.

Leaving the Hotel, Buffy was surprised to discover she was feeling annoyed by Cordelia’s behaviour. The other girl was trying to make her feel like an outcast, Buffy thought to herself. Always the same Cordelia, had to be the centre of attention, could never let anyone else have anything good. Buffy decided that she would talk with Angel about Cordelia’s behaviour that night at dinner. Having decided on a plan of action, Buffy felt better and spent the day shopping with her father.

Buffy returned to the Hotel around 7.00 p.m. to find Angel alone in the lobby. Setting her bags down near the stairs Buffy walked over to sit next to Angel on the sofa.

“Hey, how was your day?” Angel asked, setting his book down on the coffee table.

“It was good.” Buffy decided to seize the moment and let Angel know why she really came to LA. “I’m glad that it’s just you and I tonight Angel. Since I’ve been back things have been really hard for me, but I know that you love and me and I love you and I want us to be together again. I can move here, Willow and the others can call us if they need us in Sunnydale and I could work with you here. You wouldn’t need all the others then.”

“Buffy, I do love you, but it’s not the same love we had a few years ago. We’ve both changed since then, and grown as people; we can’t go back to that time, it’s over. I will always love you and treasure our time together because if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have the life I have today, you taught me so much about love.”

“What are you saying Angel? We are soul mates, we are meant to be together and I need that right now. Everything is so different and hard and I need to know that I can count on us.”

“You can always count on me Buffy, to be your friend, but we aren’t soul mates and we can’t be together that way. I’m sorry. But Cordelia and I are here to help you through whatever you are going through, we care about you Buffy and want you to be happy.”

“No Angel, you aren’t listening to me. I’m offering to move for you, to be with you and to help you fight. I want to start a new life with you and not as a friend. Think about it, all we went through, what we meant to one another? You are blinded by Cordelia right now, but you need to remember what it was like when we were together.”

“Buffy, I’m not blinded by Cordelia. What I have with Cordy is friendship; she sees the best and worst in me and still loves me. She stands by me and supports me, that is what friends are for. We never had that you and I; we weren’t friends, and I think if we tried to rekindle something now then that would make us hate each other. True love grows from friendship, what we had grew because it was exciting and forbidden.”

Buffy looked in shock at Angel. She had never considered that he would say no. It was beyond her comprehension, they were meant to be together, Angel just wasn’t seeing the possibilities. Buffy realised she needed to remind Angel of all the good times that they had had. Leaning over she pressed her lips to his, softly at first then with increasing pressure, when Angel didn’t respond immediately, Buffy moved to straddle his lap. Angel grabbed her hips; finally he was getting in the game.

But suddenly Buffy found herself standing in front of an angry Angel.

“Buffy, I said no. I understand that you are going through a really difficult time right now, but this isn’t the answer. I think that we can help you, but you need to stop thinking about us getting back together.”

Buffy stared up at Angel, tears beginning to fall from her eyes. She found it difficult to breathe, her breath coming in short gasps. Feeling like she was about to throw up, Buffy turned from Angel and ran from the Hotel, not noticing that she pushed Cordelia over as she ran through the door.

“Oh my god Angel, what did you do to Buffy, she looks broken? Did you break her?” Cordelia asked picking herself up and walking into the lobby.

“It’s complicated. Do you think I should follow her?” Angel looked cluelessly at Cordy.

“Hmm, no I’ll go. Probably she needs a friend to talk to, and I can do that, maybe if there is ice cream I can do that.” Cordy hurried after Buffy.

Tears falling down her cheeks Buffy walked blindly through the night. She used to be happy, she knew that she could be happy again, she just needed to feel safe and secure and loved, and Angel could do all that for her. If only there was no Cordelia; that girl was pure evil. Willow had told her that Cordy was a demon now, and Buffy felt sure that Cordy was using her demon powers on Angel and the rest of his team. Why else would Cordelia get good things, when Buffy was denied, it wasn’t fair, Buffy saved the world, a lot, and she deserved to be happy. She didn’t deserve the pain she was feeling; the agony that was eating away all the light inside her and leaving only despair.

Buffy was oblivious to the people she bumped into as she walked, to the soft lighting of the store fronts as she passed, to the warm air filled with sounds of traffic and laughter, none of it mattered, Buffy was consumed in misery, lost in the harsh reality that she was all alone in a cruel world that contained nothing for her but more pain. Buffy didn’t hear Cordelia running up behind her, until Cordelia grabbed her by the arm.

Spinning reflexively on feeling someone grab her, Buffy struck out, hitting Cordelia in the face and knocking her flying through the air, to land against an alley wall. Buffy had walked in her misery into a deserted alley, there was very little street lighting; the alley was lined with trash cans and an abandoned car.

“Buffy, it’s me; didn’t you hear me calling you?” Cordelia asked standing and gently touching her bruised face.

“You.” Buffy said venom in her voice. “It’s all your fault. I could be happy if it wasn’t for you.” Buffy hit Cordelia again.

“Buffy, you don’t hurt people, remember? Plus, I’m not doing anything to stop you being happy, go right ahead, be happy. Although if you don’t stop hurting me right now, I might be forced to kick your ass and that could impede your happiness, or give you a chuckle or two, who knows?”

“You aren’t people though are you? You’re a demon now, I kill demons, it’s my job.” Buffy’s voice was so cold it sent chills running up Cordelia’s spine.

“Only part. Part demon Buffy, the part is a very important word here.” Cordelia began to back away, but Buffy followed slowly, a cold look on her face. Focused entirely on Buffy, Cordelia wasn’t watching where she was going and tripped over the curb, stumbling a little. As Cordelia took her attention away, Buffy struck her again, sending her flying through the air.

Cordelia hit the ground with a dull thud. She began to rise to her knees, when Buffy kicked her in the ribs sending her once again flying through the air. Spitting out blood and cursing Buffy, Cordelia tried again to rise. Buffy wasn’t having that though, she kicked Cordelia again. Cordelia flew through the air, hitting the abandoned car.

Sliding down the bonnet, Cordelia managed to get to her feet, before being hit in the cheek with Buffy’s very sharp elbow. Once again finding herself on the ground, Cordelia tried to rise; bleeding from two cuts across her face, her eye swollen shut, her right arm hanging by her side from the impact against the car, Cordelia spat out more blood and looked up as Buffy came over to crouch down next to her.

“Why should you get normal when I don’t?” Buffy asked with an eerie calm, hitting Cordelia again to keep her down.

“What is normal? Who gets normal? I get visions from the PTB, I’m part demon and I work for a vampire, normal is what you make it. Buffy, you don’t want to hurt me, just stop ok, I’m sorry for whatever pain you are going through, but killing me isn’t going to make anything better. Plus, there is no one here to pass my visions to and I am so not kissing you.” Cordelia gasped, she thought her ribs might be broken.

“Used to be, I had everything you have now. I was happy. My Mum was alive, Willow and Xander’s worlds revolved around me; Angel hung on my every word. And now, I don’t have that anymore, it’s gone and suddenly you have that. I want to be a part of a family again, I don’t want the cold, the hard, the painful, I don’t deserve the bad.”

“I’m so gonna have to have words with Willow when I get home, she never told me you were insane. No wonder she foisted you on us.”

Buffy looked up as she heard voices approach. Her spider senses were tingling and she knew that vampires were approaching. Looking down at Cordelia who was up on her knees and one hand, Buffy decided that Cordy would make the perfect bait, she was in the mood for a good fight, let them eat Cordelia then she would jump them and fun would ensue for a minute or two. Leaping up to a fire escape several stories above, Buffy watched and waited for the vampires to arrive.

Cordelia tried to stand, but the pain in her ribs caused her to pass out. Watching from above, Buffy was pleased, unconscious bait was so much more silent that conscious Cordy.

The 5 vampires smelt Cordelia’s blood before they saw her.

“Hey lookie here, a snack.” One of them said.

“Hey wait. That’s the seer to Angelus. We can’t touch her. He knows we hunt here and if we eat her he will kill us, slowly; you’ve heard the stories right?”

“Fuck yeah, but she smells so yummy. Maybe just a little taste?”

“No, no tasting. Shit and we can’t leave her here, someone else might eat her and then we will still get in trouble. Damn, ok you go and get the car; we can drop her off at some hospital and leave. Maybe eat a nurse while we are there, I like nurses, so crisp yet warm, mm let’s hurry.”

Soon the vampires had taken Cordelia off to the hospital, watched by Buffy.

*Damn, even evil vampires are under her spell. What kind of demon is she anyway? She gets everything I want. I’m the one who saves the world, I’m the special one, I should have happiness. Angel belongs to me, she has stolen my place in his life and it’s not right. I want joking and jostling and fun, I want friends, and I want Angel. I’m the slayer, I deserve Angel, I suffer for the world, it’s not like I’m asking a lot. Ok since the plan to have her die hasn’t worked, I will have to try something else. What would Willow do, she’s smart? Hmm Willow, magic? Oh yeah, I need magic.*

Jumping down from the fire escape, Buffy made her way to a magic shop she had heard about from Willow. Beating up the owner, Buffy obtained the name of a powerful local magician and went to his home.

“I need you to do a spell for me.” Buffy demanded of the magician as she pushed past him into his home.

“I sense power, what are you?” The magician asked, closing the door and following Buffy.

“Slayer. Now my spell?”

“What kind of spell?”

“I want to erase someone from this world, make it so that no one remembers her and she doesn’t remember them; you know like she never existed, had no impact on their lives? Or just send her to hell, whatever; I don’t care as long as she is gone. Wait, no not to hell, just the memories will be enough; she can have a good life that isn’t mine elsewhere, that will teach her to steal what should be mine.”

“To remove memories is possible, but difficult. And the consequences…”

“Look, I’m feeling pretty annoyed and would like to beat someone up right now, so get with my spell already.”

“I will need something of hers, a personal item.”

Buffy held up Cordelia’s hand bag which she had picked up after Cordelia had left for the hospital.

“I will do this that you ask, but know this, I will not reverse it, you must live with the consequences, I will leave the memory intact with you and only you. Go now, I must have peace to do the spell.”

Buffy left the magician’s house. Not sure how long it would take or what else to do, she made her way back to the Hyperion and up to her room. She guessed that Angel was in his room, the light was on under the door. She didn’t want to talk to him whilst there was a chance he might remember earlier that night. She decided to leave it until the morning.

Early the next morning, Buffy awoke full of anticipation for the Cordy-less day ahead. Getting dressed she made her way to Angel’s room. Knocking on the door, she entered. Angel was lying on the bed, he looked up as she came in, surprised to see her.

“Buffy? What are you doing here?”

“I was visiting my dad and thought I would come by to say hi, maybe catch up.”

Angel stared at Buffy with emotionless eyes, he was confused, Buffy never came to visit, and they weren’t exactly friends. Not that he really cared one way or another.

“Fine, hi. Kind of sleeping now. Go away.” Angel turned his back on Buffy and went back to sleep.

*Ok, so Angel isn’t a morning person, I never knew that, no reason why I would. That’s fine, lots of people don’t like mornings. I will just go downstairs and hang out with Fred and Gunn and Wes now.*

Making her way downstairs Buffy was surprised to see dust coating all the surfaces in the lobby, it hadn’t looked this way yesterday, yesterday everything was cheerful and clean and organised. Now there was dust and cobwebs and no banter, where were Gunn and Wesley and Fred? Buffy couldn’t find any coffee when she looked, so decided to go out for breakfast and return when Angel was up.

Returning from breakfast, Buffy discovered that Angel still wasn’t up and about, so taking a seat on a sofa (after hitting it a little to get rid of the dust), she decided to wait.

Awakening a couple of hours later, Buffy realised she must have dozed off. Looking around to see what had woken her, Buffy realised that Angel had gone down into the basement, he had walked right by her and not said a word, must not have seen her waiting Buffy rationalised following Angel.

In the basement, Buffy found Angel training.

“Can I train with you?” Buffy asked.


“Where are the others?”

“What others?”

“Wesley, Gunn and Fred?”

“Did you hit your head? Wesley died at your graduation, remember? I don’t know how you know Gunn, but he is with his gang in his hood I guess, and I don’t know anyone named Fred. Now if you don’t mind, I am trying to train. Go away.” Angel proceeded to hit the bag, ignoring Buffy.

Things weren’t going quite as Buffy had planned. This was not the warm happy scenario she had been envisioning. Deciding to leave Angel for now, Buffy thought she might go back to Sunnydale and see what was different there, probably not much she thought; Cordelia never had much of an impact on life there. *I’ll get some Willow and Xander support and we can all come back, maybe Angel will move to Sunnydale once he sees how great we are together, nothing is keeping him here.*

Arriving back at her home in Sunnydale, Buffy started calling out for Willow. There was no answer, walking through the house, it seemed empty and lonely. There was no sign of Willow having ever lived there and no sign of Dawn either. Leaving the house, Buffy made her way to the Espresso Pump, hoping to run into someone she knew. Reaching the café, Buffy found Xander working behind the espresso machine.

“Xander, hi. How are you? Do you know where Willow is?”

“Um hi, I’m fine. Willow Rosenburg you mean?” Xander looked completely bewildered.

“Yeah Willow Rosenburg.”

“I guess she would be hanging out at the campus, you know, with that crowd she hangs out with. She never comes here. Do you want a coffee, cos I’m not meant to chat to customers.”

“Ah, no thanks. I’ll see you later.” Buffy left the café and made her way to the campus.

Not exactly sure where to find Willow, Buffy was wandering through a grassy area popular for picnic lunches when she heard Willow’s voice. Turning to the sound, Buffy stopped in her tracks. This wasn’t the Willow she knew, this Willow was surrounded by gorgeous people, and she was dressed in extremely cutting edge fashion, and she looked confident. Dismissing the appearance as something superficial, Buffy made her way over to Willow and stood waiting for acknowledgement.

“Loiter much Bunny? What is your damage?” Willow was sitting on the grass with her feet stretched out in front of her (the better to admire her new Manolo Blahniks), leaning back on her elbows, sunglasses firmly in place.

“Willow, it’s Buffy.”

“Sorry, same thing. Do you need something?”

“I was hoping that we could talk? You know, privately.”

“I’m busy now, maybe later.” And Willow turned back to her conversation with the beautiful people.

Buffy turned away and made her way home. Things were not quite as she had expected, but she could work on that, fix things to be the way she wanted. So Willow was a little more confident in herself, and Xander was even more geeky and lost than usual, those things were ok, they were still alive and in town. Things were fine.

Reaching her house, Buffy sat on the sofa, turned the TV on and fell asleep. She awoke several hours later to a knock at the door; opening it she was relieved to find Giles.

“Buffy, why aren’t you dressed for patrolling? Never mind, you can change later. Please brief me on last nights patrol?” Giles strode past Buffy and sat at the dining room table, note book open ready to record her patrol details.

“Hi Giles. Ah last night was really quiet. So how are things?”

“What things? And when you say quiet what do you mean? Was it unusually quiet?”

“Um you know just a couple of vamps, nothing out of the ordinary. Are you going to come along with me tonight?”

“Buffy, you patrol alone, you always have, we must keep your identity quiet, it’s best no one sees us together very often. You know all this. Now please stay safe and I will see you tomorrow night.” Giles gathered his book up and quickly left the house.

Left alone with nothing to do, Buffy decided that she would make a quick sweep of the town, then gather more information on Willow and Xander. Going up stairs, she put some dark clothes, changed into practical boots and headed out to the cemetery.

Buffy patrolled the cemetery quickly, killing 3 vampires before making her way to Xander’s house. Looking through the basement window she could see him sitting at a computer, he was on line chatting. In the background she could see a large screen TV which was playing original episodes of Star Trek. Deciding to see if he maybe wanted to hang out, Buffy knocked at the basement door.

Xander appeared surprised to see her when he opened the door. “Hi again, was there something you wanted?” He asked.

“I thought you might want to hang out with me, maybe go to the Bronze?” Buffy replied.

“Oh, well thanks, but I’ve got some stuff to do here tonight. Maybe some other time.” And Xander closed the door in Buffy’s face.

*OK why is Xander shutting me out? It’s not like he has a life, he has no friends and is a total nerd, he should want to hang with me, I’m a pretty girl, I’m every nerds dream. Maybe I should see what Willow is up to.*

Making her way to Willow’s house, Buffy watched from the shadows on Willow’s balcony as Willow talked on the phone in her room, then her cell phone, then the land line again, all the while trying on different outfits. Willow’s room was completely different to the way Buffy remembered. There were no fish; there was a deep burgundy feature wall and plain vibrant coloured bed furnishings. There was a desk in the corner but no computer; instead there were about 50 copies of various fashion magazines strewn over the desk, as well as swatches of fabric everywhere.

Willow finally decided on an outfit, applied some lipstick and ran downstairs as the door bell rang.

Buffy made her way slowly home. The house was dark and still empty. The curtains were open allowing moonlight to filter in. Buffy didn’t bother turning on any lights, she made her way up to her room and lay down on her bed, fully clothed.

*It’s probably better that Willow and Xander aren’t my friends anymore. It will be safer for them. I can move to LA without worrying about them. It’s better for me to go to LA it’s too strange here; you can notice that things aren’t right. When I’m in LA building a new life with Angel, things will be good, I will feel happy and safe, it will be fine.*

Buffy managed to convince herself that everything was working out for the best, before drifting off to sleep.

Next morning with nothing to do, Buffy decided to watch cartoons. Buffy watched cartoons all day until Giles knocked on her door again that night.

“Hello Buffy, please report on last night’s patrol?” Giles began following the same routine.

“3 vamps, quiet night. I’m moving to L.A.”

“I beg your pardon? You are doing no such thing. Your duty is here, you guard the hell mouth.”

“I don’t have a life. I don’t have any friends, I don’t like this.”

“It never bothered you before. Why are you bringing this up now? Has something happened to you?”

“No, nothing, look I can’t be bothered arguing with you, it’s making me tired. How ‘bout I just go for a quick visit? A couple of days or so, then I will come back and get on with the having of no fun?”

“You may go for 2 days, I need a text picked up from a source in LA. I was planning to have it couriered, but you may retrieve it whilst you are there. Here is the address. I will see you in 2 days.” Giles quickly scribbled out an address, handed it to Buffy and left.

Having nothing better to do, Buffy patrolled the cemetery and back streets of town. Then she caught a bus to LA.

Arriving just before dawn, Buffy made her way to the Hyperion. She found Angel again in the basement training.


“Why are you here again?” Angel asked coldly.

“I thought we could hang out for a bit, you know do some tandem slaying?”

“We never hung out, you didn’t want to remember? I tried to be your friend but you and your watcher were so hung up on the one girl in all the world biz that there was no room for me. I helped you kill the mayor, I left. I haven’t heard from you since and now you are bugging me. Stop it and go away.”

“I’m sorry that I was um, you know, before, but I want to be friends now. I’m all ready for the friendship, bring it on.”

“No, friends get in the way and slow you down, you were right.”

“No, I wasn’t, not right at all, I was wrong, very very wrong. We need to be friends, we could be great friends. Just give me a chance.”

“Buffy, I don’t like you, I don’t want to be your friend, and I want you to leave me the hell alone.” Angel turned and walked up the steps, leaving Buffy in the basement.

Buffy didn’t know how long she sat in the basement, alone with her thoughts. Obviously that magician had done something wrong, Cordelia never had this much impact on anyone’s life, certainly not enough to have made Buffy’s life this solitary lonely existence. Buffy was tempted to stay in the basement, to just forget everything and everyone, to retreat into her thoughts. But finally she stirred; her butt was cold from sitting on the concrete. She supposed she could talk to the magician, make him fix things.

Making her way to the magician’s house again, Buffy found it deserted no sign of the magician or any of his furniture. The only item left in the deserted house was a mirror. Looking into the mirror, Buffy did not see her reflection. She saw a room, wreathed in smoke, after a second, the magician entered the room and came closer to the mirror.

“Ah slayer, how nice of you to visit. Sadly I have moved on; don’t bother to look for me you will never find me.”

“What did you do, the spell has gone wrong, you need to fix it.”

“There is nothing wrong with my spell. I’m sorry you don’t like it, but I tried to explain the consequences, you weren’t interested.”

“But my friends don’t like me anymore, they are totally different people. What happened?”

“Ah it’s all very fascinating don’t you think. Without Cordelia to pick on them and force them into friendship, Willow and Xander never bonded. Xander still has no friends, apart from those he makes on line. Willow grew in confidence, threw off her Mothers bad fashion sense and began to design her own clothes; she had quite a popular label running before she finished high school. When you moved to Sunnydale, you were bitter from your last school, you made no efforts to make friends, and they made no effort to approach you. Remember it was Cordelia who first approached you and inspired you to befriend Willow? You got on with slaying assisted by your watcher. Angel tried to help you, but you didn’t want to know, you were very caught up in the idea of being the one girl in all the world. Angel has very little human contact, he doesn’t want human contact, he spends all his time alone, rarely venturing into the world. Wesley died at graduation, the vampire that Cordelia was meant to kill drained him. Gunn had no one to look out for him and has become a thug, ruling his hood with an iron fist. Fred was never rescued and was beheaded in her hell dimension. Which brings us to Cordelia? Or are you not interested?”

“Fine Mr Know it all, what about Cordelia?”

“She grew up in New York, removed from the life she should have known. Her destiny however, was not to be messed with, she is still a seer, just with a different champion, one who cares for her, but doesn’t protect her like Angel did. She will probably die soon. This was a great spell, so many ramifications. Kind of like the butterfly effect.”

“Change it back, I don’t like it. I’m lonely, I was meant to be happy, this isn’t right.”

“Sorry slayer, you were told there would be consequences and that I wouldn’t change it back. You have to live in this world you created. Bye.”

The magician faded from the mirror until all Buffy could see looking back at her was her own reflection. Looking into her own cold, emotionless eyes, Buffy was at a loss. Smashing the mirror brought her no satisfaction, and a small cut on her first.

No matter what she did her life sucked. Walking out of the house, Buffy had no where to go, no one to turn to, she was alone. Not knowing where to go, Buffy made her way back to the bus station and Sunnydale.

That night, Buffy patrolled alone, killing several vampires and one chaos demon. She went home and spent the day alone. The next night, she reported to Giles, went out and patrolled and killed 2 vampires. The days turned into weeks, Buffy’s life remained the same and she stayed dead inside. There was nothing to look forward to, each day blended into the previous day until Buffy didn’t even know what month it was. With nothing to care about and nothing to distract her, her skills and technique grew more deadly, she was much feared amongst the demon underworld.

Buffy didn’t care about inspiring fear, she didn’t care about witty quips, she didn’t care about anything anymore. Buffy hoped that one day soon she would lose a battle and return to heaven, anything else was too hard to bear.



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