SUMMARY: Xander’s thoughts following the Scooby gang’s discovery of what Angel did to Emily.
POSTED: 7 Aug 2004
CATEGORY: Missing Scene from ‘Protected’ / BTVS S3 / Angst
WARNINGS: Violence and Adult Themes
1) A scene I cut out of Chapter Four of ‘Protected’, as it was too out-of-character, but I kinda liked the concept, so here it is. However, it is NOT part of the story.

Xander was speechless. Angel had bitten the dead woman. His hands formed tight fists against his repulsion, and his hatred for the creature standing before them grew until he wanted to just leap out of his seat and plunge a stake right through the bastard’s heart.

To stop all the pain that the vampire had caused.

Some small splinter of common sense niggled at his brain though, forcing him to do something he didn’t do often enough – think. And something finally fell into place, no matter how much he didn’t want it to. When Giles had been examining the woman’s body – the small smears of blood with no wounds to explain their presence… Xander groaned softly. He’d chosen a dumb time to finally be mature.

“She asked you to do it,” the boy spoke up suddenly. His revelation shocked everyone, himself included, but when the vamp’s eyes met his he could see the truth there. “The markings on her neck…” he murmured absently.

It was to protect her daughter. A vampire bite meant no investigation, which meant the authorities wouldn’t find the woman’s daughter, and perhaps inadvertently lead whoever or whatever was hunting the family to the innocent little girl. The child’s mother had ‘asked’ Angel to do it, and he had complied with her request.

It didn’t lessen his disgust, but maybe, just maybe, he could begin to understand Angel’s actions. His hands unfurled weakly. Never had he thought that he’d find some kind of understanding with the murderous demon in front of him. And as he resolutely held the vampire’s gaze, and saw the shame Angel still felt, despite the greater intentions behind his actions, Xander Harris offered him a curt nod of, at the very least, acceptance.

Xander dropped his head into his hands. Understanding a vampire? Just the thought confused him all over again.

This ‘thinking’ thing hurt too much.

When he looked up again, Giles stood menacingly before an unfazed Angel. Xander almost expected the Watcher to take a swing, as much good as that would do, the way his clenched hands were white-knuckled and shaking, but Giles didn’t.

“I hope that when that little girl finds out what you did to her dead mother, she drives a stake through that blackened dried up walnut you call a heart!”

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

The silence was unbearable. Cordelia had left, vampire and little girl in tow, and Xander had no problem coming up with a sarcastic remark now. “Uh… All those who think letting a defenseless child and Cordy leave with the vicious killer, raise their hands,” he quipped humorlessly, extending his own arm up into the air.

A smidgeon of acceptance in no way countered his long-standing reservations regarding the vampire. Nothing would make up for what Angel had done while his soul was gone, all the innocents he had tortured, murdered. Miss Calendar… No, Xander still despised the demon, despite an unforeseen moment of understanding.

Deadboy would always be Deadboy.


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