A Naked Angel

SUMMARY: Cordy gets a surprise when surfing the web.
POSTED: 18 Aug 2004
CATEGORY: Light humor
WARNINGS: None listed
1) This is a fic based on the picture of naked & painted DB, you all know the one. Also I’ve no idea who posted this pic originally, but many thanks to them, and if they object to me using it please let me know and I’ll remove it.

Hyperion Hotel-LA
Cordelia sat despondently in front of her computer screen. She was bored, she’d had no visions for the best part of a week and though the relief from the pain was welcome, the thought of the incoming bills that would need to be paid, made her a little on edge.

She was idly scanning through some sites that professed to show ethnic tattoos. She’d been thinking of getting another tattoo, while she liked the sun/moon one she had in her small of her back, she thought a nice bracelet effect around her wrist would be cool. She had ‘Googled’ for some information and had been amazed at the variety of sites it had returned.

Suddenly she sat up straighter and quickly paged back to the previous site, she couldn’t believe it for on the site looked like a picture of the vampire she worked with, laying on a couch, and covered in what looked like scribble.

‘Oh my God,’ she thought, goggling at the picture on the screen in front of her.

She looked closer, ‘I can’t believe that! It looks just like Angel’.

‘Wes, come here,’ she ordered in her usual imperative tone.

Wesley looked up from the thick tome he was wading through, ‘what is it?’ he asked, knowing that Cordelia would sometimes call him over just to compare shades of nail varnish.

‘Look what I’ve found,’ she called. She sounded a bit breathless, almost excited, to Wes, as he hurried out of his office.

He looked over the brunette’s shoulder at the image displayed. ‘Humm,’ he thought, ‘that looks remarkably like Angel. I wonder what that’s all about.’

Cordy paged to the next page on the link, and gasped as the next picture was revealed.

‘Wes, look he’s naked!’ she gasped, unable to tear her eyes away from the screen in front of her.

By then Gunn, who’d been playing with his ‘Game-boy’ out in the lobby, had wandered over on hearing the urgent tone to Cordy’s cry.

‘Yo, what’s going on?’ he asked before glancing at the screen. Computers weren’t really his thing he much preferred the action to the research.

Cordy mutely pointed to the image portrayed on the screen.

Gunn took one look then looked away, ‘Oh gross, I really do not need to see that ever again,’ he groaned, covering his eyes and turning away.

Wesley carried on looking, as Cordelia paged through the various images stored on the site. Cordy looked at him a little surprised by the way he was studying the pictures.

‘Err, Wes, you see something you like?’ she asked.

‘Umm, no,’ he replied before moving away, embarrassed to have been caught looking at pictures of Angel in the buff.

‘It must be him, no one else has that broody look,’ commented Cordy, lost in a little daydream of Angel.

Just then the object of her thoughts came bounding down the stairs.

‘Hi guys, what’s new?’ asked Angel, he was so glad to have wormed his way back in with his friends and didn’t notice the odd looks Gunn was giving him, say nothing of the pointed stare from Wes.

He carried on through to the kitchen, too intent on his breakfast to see the strange looks he was getting from the others.

‘Err, Angel, perhaps you should go and see what Cordelia’s found,’ said Wes, hastily retreating into his office. He remembered the time he’d had to go and wake Angel during his Darla obsessed period. It hadn’t been a pleasant experience for Wesley, when the naked, aroused vampire had pinned him to the floor, before he was fully aware of what he was doing. Wesley sat down and immersed himself back in the prophecy he was trying to translate, willing the images of Angel in the nude to go away.

Angel quickly finished his breakfast and after rinsing his mouth, almost bounced over to Cordy, he was so pleased she seemed to have forgiven him, and he wanted to make sure he did nothing to upset her.

‘Angel is this you?’ she asked, pointing to the screen of her computer.

He looked at the screen with growing horror as the image before him brought back old memories.

‘Umm, I’m not sure, it could be,’ he replied cautiously, knowing he was in deep water.

Cordy burst out laughing, ‘I always said you were a eunuch, well this just proves it,’ she crowed, as she pointed to the full frontal picture. ‘Where did you hide IT?’

If he could of, Angel knew he would have blushed at where she was pointing.

‘Err well, couldn’t let it all hang out, had to be a bit discrete,’ he mumbled.

‘What on earth were you doing?’ she asked looking him up a down, trying to compare the picture on screen with the vampire standing beside her.

‘Well it was in 1996, Whistler had found me and explained about finding Buffy and basically waking me up from the apathy I’d been in for the last 40 odd years. I had no money and knew I couldn’t turn up in Sunnydale looking like a tramp,’ said Angel, drifting off into thought.


Angel sighed remembering how Whistler had come upon him just as he’d unsuccessfully tried to catch a rat for his dinner; he’d been desperately hungry, but refused to dine on humans. Whistler had pointed out to him how much animal blood the butchers were throwing away, Angel had felt as though a mist had been lifted from his eyes, he’d never even thought about butcher’s blood. They travelled through the night, and the next day the demon had shown Angel the petite blonde girl who was to become the next slayer and would form part of his future.

It had made up his mind and the next night after he’d had a good feed at a shop Whistler knew of, and then had a long swim in the sea and rinsed shirt, he decided to do something about it. Whistler had left him saying he would come back for him at the end of the week. Angel went to sleep, in a small, deep cave in the cliffs he’d found, for once clean and full. He dreamed of the golden haired girl Whistler had shown him.

The next evening he was determined to pull himself together and start a fresh. So after the sun had set, he set off intent on finding a Barber Shop, he knew it had to be a demon one, because of the whole ‘no reflection’ problem he had, tended to have young human hairdressers run screaming from the room.

Angel wandered along in a seedy part of town, until he found the shop he was looking for, he remembered it from the 1950s when he had been living here in Los Angeles. He was trying to work out if he had enough cash for a hair cut.

It looked as though the Barber’s shop was still in business, outside it had a sign, “Models required, no experience necessary, apply within.”

Angel perked up at this he might even get a reduced haircut, he thought. He decided to see what it was all about, and pushed open the door.

The perky young girl on the telephone, behind the reception desk looked at first glance to be human, but as Angel grew closer he realised that she had what appeared to be an irregular heartbeat which could only belong to a demon. He hovered around the desk slightly unsure as to whether he was doing the right thing.

She hung up the telephone and turned him smiling brightly, “what can I do for you sir?” she eyed and vampire up and down appreciatively.

“Eer, I need a haircut,” said Angel,

“Certainly sir, I’ll be right back just wait there,” she said perkily standing up and disappearing into a back room.

Angel looked round the shop, he was amazed at how there seemed to be magic items for sale, on full view to anybody glancing through the shops window.

A short while later the girl returned. “Come this way, Zandra will see you in a few.”

Angel straightened his shoulders, and went through the door. Another young woman came forward and gestured for him to enter. Angel stood a trifle nervously, still wondering if he was doing the right thing, he wasn’t used to contact with anyone, over the last few years he’d shunned society as a whole.

A woman walked around Angel, after a few circuits’ she stopped in front of him. She was a technopagan and could sense he was a vampire she also had a knack of reading minds. Angel raised his head and looked at her.

”You have so much sadness and torment in your soul,” Zandra said.

“I have a lot to atone for,” replied Angel.

“Oh, I sure I can ease some of your pain, if you’ll let me,’ the young woman replied.

Angel shrugged ‘what had he got to lose?’ He couldn’t feel worse than he did right now and he needed a hair cut, he didn’t want to go to Sunnydale looking like a hobo.

“Ok, what do I have to do?’ he asked.

She smiled at him, ‘take off your shoes, coat, shirt and pants and lay on the couch,’ she said, before turning away to assemble the things she needed to use and lighting some incense.

Angel smirked; she was in for a shock, he didn’t wear any underwear. He stripped off his clothes and lay naked on the couch.

When Zandra turned round she could hardly prevent a gasp coming from her mouth as she surveyed the vampire. He was beautiful without his shabby old clothes. She admired his large pale body, he obviously wasn’t shy either as he lay with his hands behind his head.

She tied a scarf around his head to keep his hair from flopping on his face and put his arms down at his sides, then picked up the bowl of ingredients she’d been mixing.

‘This isn’t going to hurt is it?’ asked Angel, looking at the dark brown gunge she was stirring.

‘No, it’ll help you to relax and let go of some of the pain,’ she said. ‘Each symbol has its own part to play.’

Zandra started on his navel by drawing a large sun with a smiley face, his nipples came next and had start bursts around them. Next she drew a large medallion in the centre of his chest, which she hoped would collect all the sorrow and channel it away through the lines and curves leading away from the main symbols, along his arms and legs and down to his finger tips and toes, to fall from his body. Angel lay back and dozed off with the soporific effect of the incense and the gentle stroking of his body he began to feel at peace. Finally his face was decorated in the same manner.

It took the woman a couple of hours to get the desired effect that she wanted, by the time she had finished Angel had sparked out. At first Zandra had been perturbed by the lack of heartbeat, Angel’s automatic breathing reflex that he adopted when awake having stopped when he slept.

She smiled at the relaxed vampire before picking up her camera and taking a few snaps, she liked to add all her artwork into a folder for future reference. Then she quietly left the room, allowing the vampire to sleep a hopefully healing, restful sleep.

After a while she came back in as Angel woke up and lifting his head glanced down at his body.

‘Humm, what does it all mean,’ he asked, looking at the techopagan.

Zandra explained some of the symbols. Angel noticed the camera in her hand.

‘Have you photographed me?’ he asked.

‘Yes, do you mind?’ she replied.

‘No, I didn’t know whether I’d come out on film,’ he answered.

‘Well we’ll see in a while, I’ll connect it to the computer, while you’re getting clean,’ she said, gesturing to the bathroom at the back of the room.

She took more pictures as he sat up. Angel looked at her, he wasn’t sure but he did seem to feel more relaxed and the black pit of despair seemed to have diminished somewhat.

He returned a while later freshly scrubbed and grabbed his shabby pants, he felt as though as the symbols had been washed from his body they had taken his depression down the drain with them. He certainly felt a lot better. Zandra pointed to a chair at one end of the room.

‘Come sit here and I’ll cut your hair,’ she said.

Angel sat a looked at the blank wall in front of him, usually hairdressers had huge mirrors in front, those he hated, it reminded him how much he didn’t reflect, and was also a reason why he didn’t get many haircuts. Luckily his hair didn’t grow very fast anyway.

‘How do you want it?’ she asked.

‘A change, something easy to look after, that I can tell by feel that it’s ok, but not too short,’ Angel replied after some thought.

Zandra combed and chopped for what seemed to Angel a long while. Eventually after a few more pats, she grabbed her camera and turning the vampire’s chair to face her took a quick picture of him.

Angel stood and followed her over to the computer where she had uploaded the pictures. He was amazed to see himself, something he hadn’t done since Darla had turned him. He’d seen sketches and daguerreotype prints of himself and Darla in books, hell he’d even commissioned a portrait painter to paint all of them, of course he’d eaten the man afterwards, but even so he’d been pleased with the result.

He looked at the computer pictures some more and then at his scruffy clothes and decided then and there that he had to smarten himself up somewhat if he was going to be any help to the slayer in Sunnydale.

He listened as Zandra explained how to apply the gel to his hair and finger comb it to how he wanted it. He found that quiet easy and offered to pay for all her attention, but she waved him away.

‘No, have it on me, you have a long hard road ahead of you, with many difficult decisions to make. I only hope you make the right ones,’ she said.

‘Oh does it involve a small blonde girl and Sunnydale?’ asked Angel intrigued, he’d met these anagogic types before and found that although they tended to be a bit vague they usually knew what was going on.

‘Initially yes, but you have a greater purpose than that, and will find you have a far greater love here in LA, but you have a hard road before you reach your goal,’ she replied cryptically.


Angel snapped out of his thoughts and gave Cordelia a watered down version of the events of that night.

Now a few years since that day he thought about it, he understood more of what Zandra had spoken about. He wondered if the great love would be Cordelia, he knew he had deep feelings for her, but wasn’t sure if they were reciprocated, especially since his debacle with Darla.

It seemed Cordelia was spending too much time staring at the naked picture of him on the screen. He gave a little growl and moved in close behind, her invading her ‘personal bubble’.

‘Maybe you’d like to see the real thing,’ he whispered in her ear, sending a frisson of excitement through her body. Cordelia turned round to see him vanishing rapidly back up the stairs, and shook herself. She knew she was falling hard for the handsome taciturn vampire and every time he did something like that she just yearned for more.

She shook the naughty thoughts from her head and fought the urge to follow him upstairs to take him up on his offer and looked to the screen, determinedly moving to another site, but of course ‘bookmarking’ ‘that’ site first.

Angel climbed the stairs two at a time and just hoped she never found out about the porn film he’d made, soon after this fiasco. He’d only done it to get enough money to buy the Plymouth!



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